New Guy here, My STRUGGLE (long story)

[aeocaravaggio]

Funny thing is, when I have sex I can last almost forever without trying, but when I masturbate I am usually premature........might be psychological, either way it doesn't really bother me I don't get premature ejaculation the way most guys do however, I don't cum without stimulation from a girl, I will only get semen leaking in the urine from this at times (which is a distinct feeling) and has a distinct color and look in the toilet, I am not sure if my cloudy white urine is the same as semen or what because I get that everyday nowadays but it doesn't look the same as when I get semen in the urine. I only get premature ejaculation per say from masturbating

Nowadays I get cloudy urine more then ever even in the summer but it just looks different then in the winter time, in the winter there is more cloudiness and in the summer its like a floating cloud in the toilet, probably due to temp differences but interestingly most of my pain symptoms are pretty much under control most of the time. So although most of my symptoms are reduced, the one thing that seemingly gets worse is the cloudy white stuff in my urine. I don't know if its detrimental, but I just find it strange and don't really know what it is for sure. I would think that as my other symptoms reduced my cloudy urine would go too but I guess not.

[gesundheit84]

I am not sure if there is any correlation between having the aforementioned disorders and CPPS. I have a combination of all of those in one way or another. For those unfamiliar with Asperger's Syndrome (high functioning form of autism) specifically, those affected tend to have significant difficulties with socialization (making friends and finding mates), become obsessed on narrow topics (typically obscure and/or trivial), inability to share points of interests with others, difficulty maintaining eye contact, poor posture and are clumsy, hypersensitivity to sound/visuals, obsessive with details, engage in repeat behaviors/interests, have rituals and get pissed off when they are disrupted, lack of social reciprocity, lack of demonstrated empathy towards peers, take things too literally, engaging in one-sided conversations, lack of facial expressions, repetitive body movements, difficulty following social cues and mores, and often have abnormal use of language, tone of voice, and volume of voice. People with Asperger's Syndrome are typically labeled as "weird and strange" by their peers.

I definitely do not fit all of the criteria and believe I have a moderate case of Asperger's Syndrome and seem to be OCD in certain areas (details about years, dates, facts, stats, etc) while having ADHD in other areas (like completing tasks, finishing projects, extreme procrastination, etc.) Inconsistencies bother me like no other and I appreciate order, logic, and organization, while at the same time I can live like a pig (my apartment was a wreck, I have trouble paying bills on time, and completing maintenance/functional tasks in general).

I believe these disorders have contributed to chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome on a physical and mental level. Here is my theory: As a child and teenager, people tended to comment on my poor posture (staring at the ground, shoulders hunched, abdominal muscles crunched in). I really could not stand up straight to save my life. My muscles were already tense as if I was born to develop CPPS. It is one of those what came first the chicken or the egg? I sometime wonder if my life long poor posture caused my muscles to harden and become inflexible or if they were already that way to begin with. I have always had difficulties making friends and most of the friends I have had found me, I did not initiate the friendship. I am 28 and have never had a girlfriend due to the fact that males are supposed to pursue women and I am unable to do so. I am no Brad Pitt so women aren't going to hit on me. When I was younger I found keeping eye contact difficult and I had to really concentrate on doing it (e.g. I would stare at a person's shoulder, mouth, boobs hair but not their eyes). I have improved in that area though and kind of got over it, even though making eye contact does not always come naturally. Boy I should have been born in Japan or something.

I am fascinated by music but never share bands I like with anyone and keep my interests to myself. Even when I'm in my car I could be blasting music but turn the volume down when I arrive at a destination. Or I can be playing music in my room, but turn it off when people come by. One example of many of my repeat behaviors which to many would not make any sense even to myself yet I keep doing it. Same thing when it comes to sleep. I am often sleep deprived and know I should get more but keep staying up late and feeling horrible the next morning. Yet I keep doing it over and over again, not changing my ritual. Usually people stop behaviors that are dysfunctional but I will keep doing it. So when it came to masturbation and kegels I would keep excessively over doing it when my chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome symptoms were starting up. I would experience post ejaculatory pain but continue to masturbate multiple time the next day fully knowing it was not doing me any good.

People with Asperger's tend to be prone to anxiety and depression so I have always been an anxious person. I had catastrophic thoughts very early on and this most likely contributed to subconscious clenching of my muscles in addition to my poor posture which most likely cut off circulation to my muscles. Social situations have always made me anxious and I typically engage in a form of selective mutism. I can talk to certain people I like excessively, but with the majority of people I have hardly anything to say and often can't keep a conversation going. I will just talk about work/school/logical matters but nothing emotionally engaging. Ah that is where I fail with women miserably, hahaha. Compared to others with Asperger's I come off as relatively normal to outsiders since I smile a lot and can talk one-on-one with people. I just can't initiate conversations with new people, especially women. So all the dates I have been on were arranged online. Even with full blown chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome I was sexually frustrated and resorted to using escorts for gratification since I could not seem to attract a mate. The funny thing is the escorts tend to think I am normal and not shy at all, wondering why I don't have a girlfriend. Like I said I can be very talkative if I am one-on-one with someone and the situation needs to be arranged in an atypical manner. I can never seem to meet people at the bar, work, school, etc. I become completely silent in groups and often think about music, films, history, details on the people in the group (approx DOB, height, race, intelligence level, right handed/left handed, etc.) instead. Yeah I know I'm odd....

Anyways I have blabbered on way too long, but just wondering if anyone else has disorders like Asperger's Syndrome, OCD, and/or ADHD?

[webslave]

Very interesting post, Gesundheit! I hope others comment, but just want to say that elements of obsession are very common in our patient group. Obsession and OCD are Anxiety Spectrum disorders.

[fobo]

Hello g84, I can find myself on some of your points, they might be more common then you think :)

I am 28 and have never had a girlfriend due to the fact that males are supposed to pursue women and I am unable to do so. I am no Brad Pitt so women aren't going to hit on me.

Exactly like me!!!

I found keeping eye contact...

I still hate keeping eye contact

Social situations have always made me anxious. I can talk to certain people I like excessively, but with the majority of people I have hardly anything to say

But thanks to my actual job I have improved on this somehow

Though I fight to keep things organized, for example my work table or my room, files on my computer as I hate chaos. I would spend hours during a week on this tasks (even if they are not productive) and not be frustrated at all.

[davyboy]

This sounds like me a lot!

I used to struggle with social situations but now I've become much better. I'm actually quite good at meeting people. I still have a difficult time keeping eye contact and my body language is terrible. I also have poor posture.

With respect to OCD, I can absolutely relate. My girlfriend always complains that I jump from one obsession to another. I know exactly how you feel!

[gesundheit84]

fobo,

I had a feeling some people here could relate to my experience. I have had issues with socialization most of my life pre-dating CPPS. It is in fact just as big as a struggle as my fight with CPPS. I am glad to finally have an answer to why I am the way I am. I think the most frustrating part was when I had to constantly ask myself "why did things work out this way for me?" I have seen guys dealt with worse cards having success with women. I felt like I had a lot to offer with my ideas and I am an original thinker above all.

I used to count down, and think wow I am 20 and haven't had a girlfriend, I am 25 and haven't had a girlfriend, etc etc... Now I am no rush to find one and have accepted that I am just wired differently. My life will never be typical and I have learned to embrace it. My chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome symptoms have gotten better since my onset 5 years ago and I am looking forward to turning 30. I kind of had the physique of a adolescent most of my life (ectomorph = scrawny with no muscles, but with a weak core and belly fat). I never really peaked and I guess as guys we have it pretty good since we age and become more distinguished I have gained more lean muscle over the last 6 months through using the kettlebell and am more confident in my body. It has really improved my core strength and posture. I feel like I am in inch taller just because of my posture change.

Just out of curiosity what kind of job do you have and how did it help you with socialization?

[gesundheit84]

This sounds like me a lot!

I used to struggle with social situations but now I've become much better. I'm actually quite good at meeting people. I still have a difficult time keeping eye contact and my body language is terrible. I also have poor posture.

With respect to OCD, I can absolutely relate. My girlfriend always complains that I jump from one obsession to another. I know exactly how you feel!

davyboy,

I think it is all about maintenance when it comes to social situations. I experienced a time when I was much more social 5 years ago while I was still in college. Keep in mind I did not socialize with anyone "at" college, hehe but I reconnected with an old friend from grade school that ran into me at campus (see how friends find me?!) and hung out with him and his friends nearly every weekend. However after college and being thrown into the real world working full-time I lost touch with people and became very introverted again.

Anyways since you have struggled with social situations, eye contact, body language, and posture how did you meet your girlfriend?

Hahha yep I am not OCD when it comes to keeping clean or having things organized. I am OCD when it comes to my thinking patterns, interests, and motivations. I will obsess about one band, one theory, one historical figure etc for a few weeks ignoring everything else. Then I will abandon it and obsess about something else. I actually have to force myself to just let my iPod run on its on shuffle since I will skip compulsively and want to listen to the songs I like over and over again.

[gesundheit84]

Very interesting post, Gesundheit! I hope others comment, but just want to say that elements of obsession are very common in our patient group. Obsession and OCD are Anxiety Spectrum disorders.

Thanks webslave! I just thought I would throw it out there. Would be interested to find someone else here with Asperger's. chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome and Asperger's, a double whammy.

[fobo]

Just out of curiosity what kind of job do you have and how did it help you with socialization?

I have the same job as before in the IT field, but the current one since it its a more respected government agency we move a lot outside the office and always have meetings and seminars and are close with people even of the same field. As long as I learn where the bathroom is, there is no problem I kind of have improved even in making jokes

The problem is when I have to speak before others like giving a presentation related to the job...

btw I also have a pair of dumbbells...what should I do with them?

[davyboy]

Anyways since you have struggled with social situations, eye contact, body language, and posture how did you meet your girlfriend?

Well for me a couple of things helped...

I decided a few years ago to get into shape. That is helped a lot with my confidence.

I went on student exchange in University to France. I didn't speak French. I really had to step out of my comfort zone, quit being shy and always feeling vulnerable.

Secondly, I took a job a few years back that required a lot of public speaking. I took a few toastmasters classes and that helped a lot.

... most of all what has helped with me is that I just stopped caring. If I were to try chatting up a girl in the supermarket and she gave me the cold shoulder the worst thing that could happen is that my self esteem would be crushed for like a second but it wouldn't be the end of the world. Remove yourself from the outcome, have no expectations.

[gesundheit84]

Just out of curiosity what kind of job do you have and how did it help you with socialization?

I have the same job as before in the IT field, but the current one since it its a more respected government agency we move a lot outside the office and always have meetings and seminars and are close with people even of the same field. As long as I learn where the bathroom is, there is no problem I kind of have improved even in making jokes

The problem is when I have to speak before others like giving a presentation related to the job...

btw I also have a pair of dumbbells...what should I do with them?

Good to hear you have improved your social skills through your job. Yes I think it is always easier to communicate with people when you are in a similar field with like minds. I am the same way. It is more things like small talk and meeting people that I may have nothing really in common with that is difficult. I struggle to find things to talk about since I generally hate shallow conversations.

Hahaha yeah with my job I dreaded the web conferences and having to speak on the phone. I actually rather talk with people in person rather than the phone. My heart would literally start pounding like crazy when I knew my time was coming to speak.

Ah dumbbells are good since they are free weights, but I was talking about the kettlebell.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kettlebell

They were originated in Russia and look like a cannonball with cast iron handles. Nearly every exercise you do with some is a compound one requiring multiple muscle groups. Most other weights isolate a certain muscle group, but kettlebells target many areas and in the process you get a cardio workout. They are more fluid practical exercises which serve as good cross training to doing other full body moves like push-ups and pull-ups. I use to go to the gym and never got the same results since most things you do are stationary. I highly recommend the kettlebell.

[gesundheit84]

Anyways since you have struggled with social situations, eye contact, body language, and posture how did you meet your girlfriend?

Well for me a couple of things helped...

I decided a few years ago to get into shape. That is helped a lot with my confidence.

I went on student exchange in University to France. I didn't speak French. I really had to step out of my comfort zone, quit being shy and always feeling vulnerable.

Secondly, I took a job a few years back that required a lot of public speaking. I took a few toastmasters classes and that helped a lot.

... most of all what has helped with me is that I just stopped caring. If I were to try chatting up a girl in the supermarket and she gave me the cold shoulder the worst thing that could happen is that my self esteem would be crushed for like a second but it wouldn't be the end of the world. Remove yourself from the outcome, have no expectations.

Very interesting. I also studied abroad 6 years ago in Germany and was in the same boat. Did not speak the language and had to step out of my comfort zone. That experience really made me feel more independent since I was 21 and immature for my age (first experience living outside of home). Public speaking would probably help me a great deal and that is something I should try.

What I really think I should do is move out of Orange County! The women here are very superficial and generally pretty hot and out of my league. I think it would be easier for me to chat up with women in public in a more artsy liberal place. I'm not even into that whole platinum blonde and tan look, and actually like pale chicks. Maybe I should move to Canada, haha.