I recall when I was 8-11 (approx) that I would sometimes randomly experience a sudden painful spasm in my perineum area. It would only last a few seconds go away, and not return for many months or even years. So I never was that concerned about it and plus I was a freak'n kid! It is interesting to note that I suffered from childhood asthma and bad allergies (peanuts, milk, grass, hay, dust). Plus when I started masturbating at 12, I never had problems again. When I was a freshman in high school I seemed to develop out of the blue, pain after passing stools. I thought I had hemorrhoids but the preparation H didn't seem to help, plus the pain was internal. I saw a doctor and they thought I might have a fissure and told me to drink more water, eat fiber. Nothing seemed to help, and the pain after passing stools was brutal. The post-defecation pain in the anal muscles was horrible. I saw a specialist and they performed a colonoscopy, in which they found nothing out of the ordinary besides a few internal hemorrhoids. They advised me to take mineral oil, which I took for about 2 years. It seemed that as long as the stool was not a complete solid form, I could pass a stool without pain afterwards. I did see one more specialist, and he seemed to think that my anal muscle was very tight, and advised me to eat plenty of fiber. I ended up buying high fiber content cereal and ate prunes. From there making sure I got enough fiber just became a part of my life, and that prevented pain while passing stools and the post-pain. But of course I always had the constant worry in my head that what I was experiencing was not normal, and feared that I might develop colon cancer from all the pain, and few instances of bloody stools I experienced. Onto the next chapter..
Sexually I seemed to not have any problems. I did take Lexapro my senior year in high school due to depression. I developed a liking towards strip clubs when I was 18-19. :laugh: I went and got lap dances and was actually quite confident with my sexuality. Back then I would have had the confidence to have sex if the chance were there. I was kind of a loner, typical introvert so I didn't have any game with the ladies or have many friends, but if a cute girl came around I would have had the confidence to have sex with them. Things started to go downhill when I was 20, when out of the blue I seemed to lose control over my ejaculations. Strip clubs which was my place of complete zen, suddenly became a place of anxiety. I couldn't even hold back from ejaculating during the first song! I used to be able to go forever then all of a sudden just the idea of having a girl sit on my lap made me feel like I was going to ejaculate. This really hurt my self-esteem and I became afraid of ever having sex. I do remember practising kegels periodically before this happened and I think this may have contributed to it. I have a complete sexual anxiety now, and am embarrassed at even having the problem. During some brief sexual encounters, I immediately feel like I am going to ejaculate without the girl barely having to touch me and it is super embarrassing.
At age 22 also out of the blue, I experienced my first panic attack. I had one prior case of anxiety at 21 but it was subtle and I couldn't go to sleep because my heart rate was fast. The panic attack was bad! I really thought I was going to die. After that the panic attacks became less severe, but normal social situations seemed to make me worry of experiencing another one, so my heart rate would go up and I would feel a cold sweat type feeling. I was prescribed back on Lexapro to help with them, and the anxiety went away. I started to smoke marijuana for the first time at 21 and continued to do so even during my SSRI therapy. The marijuana actually seemed to help shake me out of my negative thinking styles and helped me out socially. Very rarely did it contribute to a panic attack.
Now for the CPPS. About 15 months ago, I consumed a high dose of a marijuana tea I used to make, and during my high I somehow noticed that my right side of my penis seemed to have a blood flow constriction. I really analyzed why I was having problems with ejaculation, and I theorized it was due to lack of blood flow to the right side of my penis. This realization actually induced a minor anxiety attack
From then on, I concentrated on trying to push flow to the right side of my penis but it always felt strangulated. A few weeks later I started to have the sensation of pressure on my perineum area. I would have to constantly adjust myself (ahem) but there was always this feeling there, that I didn't know why it was there. Stupid me, I thought it would be smart to clench the muscle and do kegels. It seemed to initially help, but I slowly noticed post-ejaculatory pain and inflammation developing. Also I did not have much control over my urine flow, and I would occasionally squirt out more when I thought I was done. I remember vividly last March, I was trying to hold back an ejaculation and squeezed super hard on my pc muscle and when I ejaculated I experienced a lot of pain, and inflammation the rest of the day. This led me to believe that I must have an enlarged prostate or prostatitis. After researching more and more I began to believe I must be suffering from CPPS. I immediately went and bought a Quercetin supplement and a Cernilton + Saw Polmetto Mix. This did seem to have a positive effect in bringing down inflammation after a few days. The strange thing is that after about a week I noticed that the muscle tension seemed to concentrate its energy to my out anus muscles. I felt as if they were trying to relax but couldn't.Then I started to experience the typical chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome symptoms. When I sat down it felt like I was sitting on a golf ball. I began to realize that my pelvic muscles were completely wound up and could not relax no matter how hard I tried. The feeling of the recovery process seems just as bad or worse as the initial pathology, because I have become accustomed to subconsciously clenching my pelvic muscles all these years. It has been a very difficult process throughout the last 12 months, and has contributed to generalized anxiety symptoms, and feeling of hopelessness. I never have panic attacks anymore, but for awhile even smoking marijuana made me have anxiety because I super analyzed the muscle tension, and thought "what if I die from this?", and the feeling of the muscles unwinding and spasming made me frightened. I have been taking quercetin, and did the Broccoli treatment a few times that is talked about on this site. Over the year's time my muscles have been unwinding and seem to be progressively relaxing. Currently my perineum is still in a spasm but seems to be slowly unwinding. The feeling of them unwinding is very bizarre though. Seems like the muscle tension in my anal and pelvic muscles is connected with the sense of strangulation to the right side of my penis . I have been doing some yoga pelvic stretches and that has progressed things even further, as well as taking the tricyclic anti-depressant Elavil. I would say that I have seen the best improvements during the first quarter of 2009. The combination of yoga stretches, running (seems to help unwind), Elavil, Cannabis, and quercetin have been very positive. I have noticed my whole outlook on life is even changing. I am becoming more positive, confident, and in touch with my body/mind. But I am still scared of having sex, because I still don't have complete control over ejaculations. Improvement compared to how I was since 2005-2008, but not as I was at 18/19. I feel like there is hope.
I just wonder if there are any other chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome sufferers that have the pathology affecting them more in a sexual way, than a bladder/urine form. Seems like the only way I can have sex is when the muscles finally relax, but as of now it is hindering me from seeking sexual relationships.
