Today I am 41 years old and the fear of hurting my penis was always with me since I could think.
I suffer from depression and OCD and since I am without medication (will change next week) I am suffering also from old traumas I thought I left behind.
I lost my virginity at 31 so I had a shitty love life before. When I was 22 I watched a lot of porn and I was totally anxious having sex and feared the positions where the penis would be bent more.
When I had erections I had the feeling that my penis is too rigid to have sex in positions where the woman is on top. So my crazy old self back then tried to gently push the erect penis a little bit more than 90 degrees from my belly to do stretch the penis so I could to reverse cowgirl or stuff I saw in the movies. One time heard a little crack sound and I could move it a little bit more. I did a research and since I had OCD back then also I started to fear that I got a penile fracture.
I did not have a haematoma nor pain. I think I noticed a little bend to the right when the penis was not fully erect but it was ok when fully erect. I could also get erections but something in my head got broken that time. I thought erections were weaker and I must have hurt myself. Same year I got UCPPS. Years later I went to a urologist and told him the story. He did not believe I hurt myself. He did not want to do a skit test nor an ultrasound since this was invasive to put a needle into the penis. He gave me Viagra and told me that if I got a normal and strong erection I should not worry to have hurt myself, and it was like this. Erection was strong and even my pelvic pain became less.
Together with my Prozac I had good life for years since I did not fear anymore and I did not punish myself.
When I had sex the first time I had one erection and came very early and after it I could not get a good erection for at least an hour so sex was over for me.
After that I started to take tadalfil daily for a year. I did not notice any bent penis or something unusual the following years. Still, in the years I had sex with my wife, the fear that something bad happened came back in times, eg penis slipped out and pushed against something. I could manage my fears due to Prozac and go on that I was ok.
Now I am off meds (doctor has holidays and I need to wait) and not even I suffer from things that happen these days but also I remember those stuff from my past. I had sex with my wife without foreplay. She was too dry and I just got in with my glans. I made some hip movements to try to enter gently with time but it was not enough. I took my hand under the penis and tried to push it. When I was in it felt odd for me, my wife did not complain. When I was done I feared I had a penile fracture. After that incident I had also sex so an erection is still possible. I did not hear a sound when did incident happen nor did I see a bruise.
But I recognized a thicker part in the middle of the penis on the right side.
I fear that it is plaque. Actually, I think I found it in the past but forget about it because I thought it was just a bigger vein or artery but in my mental condition I evaluate everything differently.
For years and decades my flaccid, circumcised penis tries to “hide” itself in the penis skin and I need to relax so I can see the glans again. Doctor says it is because of some body fat in the belly. Also, when the not erect penis is relaxed and not hiding it feels “hard flaccid”.
I don’t get spontaneous erections. No morning wood. I have depression and since I have it my sleep is broken: I wake up in the night and can’t continue sleeping after it. I worry about my stronger CPPS symptoms and the fear of having hurt my penis.
I try to keep telling me that as long as I get an erection with no bending I should be ok. But still my erections are helped with tadaladil and my libido is broken. I just don’t get fast erections just when looking a nudity, I am missing morning erections and I keep wondering what this thick part under my penis skin is. In worst it is plaque and in best it is a big vein/artery. Some of my issues may be related to depression and my sleep disorder.
Sorry, I don’t think anyone can help me. I need to write my feelings so I don’t get crazy.
Constant fear of Peyronie’s disease
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Constant fear of Peyronie’s disease
Age: 41 Onset Age: 14, 22 got really bad
Symptoms: pain and discomfort perineum, a little bit while sitting in the right half of the scrotum. Sometimes dual stream while urinating. While ejaculating, not all shoots outside, some stays and flows outside with time (Without medication very painful).
Diagnosis: have seen several urologists in my life, have done any possible and pain creating diagnosis could not help me ever. Life was hopeful after googling the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol in early 2008, then every ache started making sense./ Hemorrhoids: they stress my prostate when I have a Hemorrhoid flare!
Helped By: Physical therapy, keeping myself warm, hatha yoga, stretching, walking, relaxation, distraction, Tadalafil 5 mg
Worsened By: Constipation, Fear or OCD "flare up", sitting and not doing any kind of "motion", too much tension in media or life, caffeine and acidy food
Prior Treatments: Antibiotics, Tamsulosin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Tylenol
Symptoms: pain and discomfort perineum, a little bit while sitting in the right half of the scrotum. Sometimes dual stream while urinating. While ejaculating, not all shoots outside, some stays and flows outside with time (Without medication very painful).
Diagnosis: have seen several urologists in my life, have done any possible and pain creating diagnosis could not help me ever. Life was hopeful after googling the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol in early 2008, then every ache started making sense./ Hemorrhoids: they stress my prostate when I have a Hemorrhoid flare!
Helped By: Physical therapy, keeping myself warm, hatha yoga, stretching, walking, relaxation, distraction, Tadalafil 5 mg
Worsened By: Constipation, Fear or OCD "flare up", sitting and not doing any kind of "motion", too much tension in media or life, caffeine and acidy food
Prior Treatments: Antibiotics, Tamsulosin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Tylenol
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- Location: Germany
Re: Constant fear of Peyronie’s disease
Dear Webslave, Any word of advise for me, please? Do you think I need surgery because of what I think is plaque? How can I get back morning erections? I am loosing the last part of my sanity. Tomorrow the office of my psychiatrist opens again. I hope to find relief soon.
Age: 41 Onset Age: 14, 22 got really bad
Symptoms: pain and discomfort perineum, a little bit while sitting in the right half of the scrotum. Sometimes dual stream while urinating. While ejaculating, not all shoots outside, some stays and flows outside with time (Without medication very painful).
Diagnosis: have seen several urologists in my life, have done any possible and pain creating diagnosis could not help me ever. Life was hopeful after googling the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol in early 2008, then every ache started making sense./ Hemorrhoids: they stress my prostate when I have a Hemorrhoid flare!
Helped By: Physical therapy, keeping myself warm, hatha yoga, stretching, walking, relaxation, distraction, Tadalafil 5 mg
Worsened By: Constipation, Fear or OCD "flare up", sitting and not doing any kind of "motion", too much tension in media or life, caffeine and acidy food
Prior Treatments: Antibiotics, Tamsulosin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Tylenol
Symptoms: pain and discomfort perineum, a little bit while sitting in the right half of the scrotum. Sometimes dual stream while urinating. While ejaculating, not all shoots outside, some stays and flows outside with time (Without medication very painful).
Diagnosis: have seen several urologists in my life, have done any possible and pain creating diagnosis could not help me ever. Life was hopeful after googling the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol in early 2008, then every ache started making sense./ Hemorrhoids: they stress my prostate when I have a Hemorrhoid flare!
Helped By: Physical therapy, keeping myself warm, hatha yoga, stretching, walking, relaxation, distraction, Tadalafil 5 mg
Worsened By: Constipation, Fear or OCD "flare up", sitting and not doing any kind of "motion", too much tension in media or life, caffeine and acidy food
Prior Treatments: Antibiotics, Tamsulosin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Tylenol
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webslave
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Re: Constant fear of Peyronie’s disease
Well, as I have said a few times now, your problems are >95% psychological. Peyronie's and penile plaques are easily diagnosable by a urologist. The fact that you are self-diagnosing various medical conditions —constantly— is a sure sign of OCD/body dysmorphia/anxiety spectrum disorder. Get that treated and all the other problems will evaporate, I suspect.
BTW, morning erections are a result of a full bladder. If you are rising to urinate during the night, you will not get them.
BTW, morning erections are a result of a full bladder. If you are rising to urinate during the night, you will not get them.
Good News! The great ProstaQ is BACK at last! You must try it.
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Re: Constant fear of Peyronie’s disease
Thank you. I will ask the Uro’s opinion about what I think may be the plaque. Also I returned to Prozac and hopefully I get better mentally.
Age: 41 Onset Age: 14, 22 got really bad
Symptoms: pain and discomfort perineum, a little bit while sitting in the right half of the scrotum. Sometimes dual stream while urinating. While ejaculating, not all shoots outside, some stays and flows outside with time (Without medication very painful).
Diagnosis: have seen several urologists in my life, have done any possible and pain creating diagnosis could not help me ever. Life was hopeful after googling the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol in early 2008, then every ache started making sense./ Hemorrhoids: they stress my prostate when I have a Hemorrhoid flare!
Helped By: Physical therapy, keeping myself warm, hatha yoga, stretching, walking, relaxation, distraction, Tadalafil 5 mg
Worsened By: Constipation, Fear or OCD "flare up", sitting and not doing any kind of "motion", too much tension in media or life, caffeine and acidy food
Prior Treatments: Antibiotics, Tamsulosin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Tylenol
Symptoms: pain and discomfort perineum, a little bit while sitting in the right half of the scrotum. Sometimes dual stream while urinating. While ejaculating, not all shoots outside, some stays and flows outside with time (Without medication very painful).
Diagnosis: have seen several urologists in my life, have done any possible and pain creating diagnosis could not help me ever. Life was hopeful after googling the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol in early 2008, then every ache started making sense./ Hemorrhoids: they stress my prostate when I have a Hemorrhoid flare!
Helped By: Physical therapy, keeping myself warm, hatha yoga, stretching, walking, relaxation, distraction, Tadalafil 5 mg
Worsened By: Constipation, Fear or OCD "flare up", sitting and not doing any kind of "motion", too much tension in media or life, caffeine and acidy food
Prior Treatments: Antibiotics, Tamsulosin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Tylenol
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User-CPPS
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- Posts: 120
- Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:54 pm
- Location: Germany
Re: Constant fear of Peyronie’s disease
Webslave, I started my OCD treatment but I have a way to go. Right now I am in the middle of a panic and I seek your advice again. I have been with my Uro today and we talked about my fears. I showed him the part I feared was plaque and photos of my erect penis to show the curvature that I was born with. He said the curvature is absolutely okay.
Then he examined my soft, flaccid penis with his hands. He pushed and pulled and pushed and pulled the skin and the penis. Unfortunately, since I am always nervous and scared, it was a bit painful to me. I told him that. He said it is because he is examining the soft tissue. The good part: He rules out plaque and a thick vein. He says it is something I probably have since my circumcision because it is typical from his experience. It is thick soft tissue under the skin.
The bad: I am catastrophizing. Since it hurt I am fearing that the uro wounded me. Could this really happen? He knows I have OCD and I asked if this examination could hurt me. He said no, the organs are not so sensitive that they break from this. Could I have gotten a stricture from the pulling and pushing the penis and glans? Or any injury of the cavernous body? I went to the bathroom after the appointment and Urinating hurt a little and my pelvis must have been tense because the stream even stopped unexpectedly.
I hope you can help me.
Admin comment: please listen to your uro. This forum is not a psychological support forum and your posts are becoming routinely off-topic.
Then he examined my soft, flaccid penis with his hands. He pushed and pulled and pushed and pulled the skin and the penis. Unfortunately, since I am always nervous and scared, it was a bit painful to me. I told him that. He said it is because he is examining the soft tissue. The good part: He rules out plaque and a thick vein. He says it is something I probably have since my circumcision because it is typical from his experience. It is thick soft tissue under the skin.
The bad: I am catastrophizing. Since it hurt I am fearing that the uro wounded me. Could this really happen? He knows I have OCD and I asked if this examination could hurt me. He said no, the organs are not so sensitive that they break from this. Could I have gotten a stricture from the pulling and pushing the penis and glans? Or any injury of the cavernous body? I went to the bathroom after the appointment and Urinating hurt a little and my pelvis must have been tense because the stream even stopped unexpectedly.
I hope you can help me.
Admin comment: please listen to your uro. This forum is not a psychological support forum and your posts are becoming routinely off-topic.
Age: 41 Onset Age: 14, 22 got really bad
Symptoms: pain and discomfort perineum, a little bit while sitting in the right half of the scrotum. Sometimes dual stream while urinating. While ejaculating, not all shoots outside, some stays and flows outside with time (Without medication very painful).
Diagnosis: have seen several urologists in my life, have done any possible and pain creating diagnosis could not help me ever. Life was hopeful after googling the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol in early 2008, then every ache started making sense./ Hemorrhoids: they stress my prostate when I have a Hemorrhoid flare!
Helped By: Physical therapy, keeping myself warm, hatha yoga, stretching, walking, relaxation, distraction, Tadalafil 5 mg
Worsened By: Constipation, Fear or OCD "flare up", sitting and not doing any kind of "motion", too much tension in media or life, caffeine and acidy food
Prior Treatments: Antibiotics, Tamsulosin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Tylenol
Symptoms: pain and discomfort perineum, a little bit while sitting in the right half of the scrotum. Sometimes dual stream while urinating. While ejaculating, not all shoots outside, some stays and flows outside with time (Without medication very painful).
Diagnosis: have seen several urologists in my life, have done any possible and pain creating diagnosis could not help me ever. Life was hopeful after googling the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol in early 2008, then every ache started making sense./ Hemorrhoids: they stress my prostate when I have a Hemorrhoid flare!
Helped By: Physical therapy, keeping myself warm, hatha yoga, stretching, walking, relaxation, distraction, Tadalafil 5 mg
Worsened By: Constipation, Fear or OCD "flare up", sitting and not doing any kind of "motion", too much tension in media or life, caffeine and acidy food
Prior Treatments: Antibiotics, Tamsulosin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Tylenol
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User-CPPS
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- Location: Germany
Re: Constant fear of Peyronie’s disease
Dear webslave,
I am really sorry and I want to apologize.
Your advise means the world to me at this point of my life.
I did not realize I was offtopic so often and I will try to think about it before I post. My CPPS has its roots within my mental health. I am sorry I was such a burden. I was off medication and I need to wait to get a place with a psychologist.
I am really sorry and I want to apologize.
Your advise means the world to me at this point of my life.
I did not realize I was offtopic so often and I will try to think about it before I post. My CPPS has its roots within my mental health. I am sorry I was such a burden. I was off medication and I need to wait to get a place with a psychologist.
Age: 41 Onset Age: 14, 22 got really bad
Symptoms: pain and discomfort perineum, a little bit while sitting in the right half of the scrotum. Sometimes dual stream while urinating. While ejaculating, not all shoots outside, some stays and flows outside with time (Without medication very painful).
Diagnosis: have seen several urologists in my life, have done any possible and pain creating diagnosis could not help me ever. Life was hopeful after googling the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol in early 2008, then every ache started making sense./ Hemorrhoids: they stress my prostate when I have a Hemorrhoid flare!
Helped By: Physical therapy, keeping myself warm, hatha yoga, stretching, walking, relaxation, distraction, Tadalafil 5 mg
Worsened By: Constipation, Fear or OCD "flare up", sitting and not doing any kind of "motion", too much tension in media or life, caffeine and acidy food
Prior Treatments: Antibiotics, Tamsulosin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Tylenol
Symptoms: pain and discomfort perineum, a little bit while sitting in the right half of the scrotum. Sometimes dual stream while urinating. While ejaculating, not all shoots outside, some stays and flows outside with time (Without medication very painful).
Diagnosis: have seen several urologists in my life, have done any possible and pain creating diagnosis could not help me ever. Life was hopeful after googling the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol in early 2008, then every ache started making sense./ Hemorrhoids: they stress my prostate when I have a Hemorrhoid flare!
Helped By: Physical therapy, keeping myself warm, hatha yoga, stretching, walking, relaxation, distraction, Tadalafil 5 mg
Worsened By: Constipation, Fear or OCD "flare up", sitting and not doing any kind of "motion", too much tension in media or life, caffeine and acidy food
Prior Treatments: Antibiotics, Tamsulosin, Lyrica, Gabapentin, Tylenol