First post, any help will be welcome

[Dutcherfsss]

Greetings. I will be writing this post to be as concise as possible, so as to get the best possible reply. I will also be extremely grateful for @webslave to reply and offer his opinion on my situation.

BACKGROUND:

I was always an extremely anxious person. My anxiety often prevents me from sleeping, and also prevents me from taking SSRI medication relating to fear of PSSD syndrome and permanent loss of my sexuality. As a result, for many I years I was dealing with body dysmorphia, extreme catastrophistation in relation to my body (I have a severe anxiety of permanent injuries) and OCD in general relations to my sexuality and sexual performance.

All of the above led me one to to stupidly try the JELQ exercise often touted on online forums (I tried it 3 times), as I was afraid my penis size was insufficient, and you must have a porn star penis to pleasure woman (It was during an acute OCD attack). I know what I did was stupid, risky and terrible, but I was not "myself at the time".

I did the exercise, and each time felt a general pain the pelvic area. On the last time I did it (and I did it extremely soft, just to see what happens, very light touching), I began having extreme pains.

The day after, the following symptoms appeared which plagued me for the last 3 years:

Pelvis:

• Extreme pain during the day, especially during stress in the entire pelvic area
• Extreme pain in the left muscle, which goes near the penis and the testicles.
• A pulling of the left testicles up.
• Pain in random spot throughout the 3 years: Perineum, lower abdomen, inside the anus, random spots on the penis and many more.
• Pain that got worse after going to the toilet (both urination and defecation)
• Every several weeks, extreme pain and uncomfortable feeling in the pelvic area, had to go lie down from all the pain and almost passed out.
• Constant need for urination, cannot drink a single cup of water without having to run to the bathroom

Penis:

• Penis has the "Hard flaccid" syndrome as commonly described on the internet:
• Penis is often in half flaccid mod, never really flaccid
• Is constantly pulled to the left (only when flaccid, not when erect)
• Lower libido
• Pain on ejaculation
• Quick loss of erection if I move in different position
• Erections become extremely tight, not being able to move the penis up or down at all, and even when lying down it is stuck to my belly completely.
• Weaker erections

So, immediately after I found the book "headache in the pelvis" and began applying what is written, and I also found a PT in conjunction. She diagnosed me with CPPS, and began working on internal and external trigger points. There were definitely trigger points, and I became much better after each session.

The problem

I began college, and I am extremely competitive person. I began studying and working in my field, quickly becoming the #1 ranked student amongst 400+. Of course, I completely ditched any attempt at fixing the CPPS, studying 14 hours a day and focusing only on my career. During the last 2 years, symptoms got worse and worse. Each and every exam made me anxious, and each anxiety episode made my symptoms worse. Being the anxious person I am, I prefer not thinking about the pelvis, due to fear that I somehow permanently injured myself or my pelvis, or more importantly, my penis. In fact, I began to develop an acute anxiety of becoming a eunuch, maybe due to the JELQ, the Hard flaccid (which the internet describes as incurable in the Pelvis).

During the last 2 years, I had 1 episode where I lifted the penis to shave it, and had immediate and severe pain in the penis, due to it being half flaccid and me moving it, actually causing pain in the shaft due to it. I had a penis ultrasound, but everything came back 100% normal.

Due to my low libido, I didn't really pursue girls and rarely masturbated, often going months without it, instead just pushing it aside and not thinking about it.

(WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?)

If you red so far, be sure to open a drink and relax a bit

I met a girl and fell in love, and we tried to have sex. We began by being rough, and due to my hard flaccid and general sensitivity of the penis, things went wrong. She pushed it a few times, slowly causing pain. And then she was on top, and I swear I heard a clicking sound.

Due to my general anxiety, especially of being a eunuch, I was sure I had a fracture. I drove to the ER, and they said there is no symptoms of fracture apparent, and that everything should resolve. I slowly began having pains in the penis, and went to an Ultrasound. The Ultrasound found small amount of liquid/swelling above the dorsal nerve, but that's it. 3 Separate doctors told me that is caused by a minor trauma, but should be healed 100% including no bending etc and that it happens regularly.

Of course, for me it was on of the few times having sex since developing the CPPS. I don't think its normal to be injured on one of the few times having sex, but that's a different conversation. Regardless, I developed an extreme anxiety again, and was sure I will lose my penis or develop bending of the penis due to plaque from the trauma.

After a few weeks the pain went away and my erections went back to normal. But after 2 weeks, I began having severe pain in the penis. And I mean so severe, opioid didn't help and I had to be in bed and not move from the level of pain. That got worse and worse, until 2 weeks later I was hospitalized due to the extreme level of pain in the penis (dorsal vein). Of course, I had a severe anxiety with it, being sure my JELQ caused me to be efficiently without a penis, and sure I fucked up my life.

All the meanwhile. The other symptoms also had me anxious about losing m sexuality (the penis pull during shaving "breaking the structure", worry of plaque and bending, the hard flaccid, ETC).

Anyway, I was hospitalized for 2 days, during which I felt pain like I have never felt in my life from the penis. No matter how many opioid they gave me, I just screamed in pain. The doctors were helpless, since my Ultrasound came back 100% positive without any injury to the penis. Eventually, I was put on Lyrica and amitriptyline, which helped subdue the pain.

My theory:

My extreme anxiety during the last 2 months and panic attacks caused the pelvic to clench so much, the pressure on the nerve was so severe I was sent into an extreme pain. That fed me into a loop of Pain>Damage to the penis>Anxiety>harder clenching of the pelvis until I almost had a mental breakdown.

Now I am at home recovering and doing much better, and the pain is slowly subsiding. Funny enough I had a normal erection after the pain went away.

I would be more than happy to hear thoughts, suggestions and ideas about where to go from here. I am taking a week to rest, and starting a full protocol of Pelvic treatment (Anxiety treatment, PT, trigger points, relaxation, Screeches) while reducing my study workload.

Thank you for reading the post, and I will be more than happy to read any ideas or suggestions. I am still concerned about the penis pull and the hard flaccid, and would like to resolve that as quickly as possible. But I want to be as normal as possible, love my GF like other people enjoy their love life, live without pain and worry about libido and sexuality, and different PELVIC pain syndrome

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

[webslave]

1. Your chance of getting PSSD is 4.3 per 100,000 ( 0.0043% risk), so it's not smart to avoid SSRIs on that basis. You can be too cautious.
2. The so-called 'hard-flaccid' condition (NOT incurable!) is just a symptom of a hypertonic pelvic floor (UCPPS)
3. The pain after ejac. is another classic symptom of UCPPS
4. Your problems are 95% psychological. I say this as kindly as I can. If you treat your obsessive-compulsive, hyper-anxious nature, your pelvic condition will subside (also use all of our Tips)
5. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist. Seriously, do it, your career is at stake, so don't hesitate, and don't let a vanishingly rare condition stop you taking medication. You need medications and psychologists can't prescribe them. You may also get a referral to a psychologist from your psychiatrist
6. Report back in a few months. It will be interesting to follow your progress.

[Dutcherfsss]

Thank you very much webslave. I will make a few extra comments if possible.

I spoke with Dr. Wise recently about coming to his clinic. I presented him some of my symptoms. He claimed that symptoms such as the penis being pulled to the left and the "half flaccid" are extremely uncommon, and he only recently treated a person with hard flaccid for the first time. In fact, he said the phenomena only recently risen in the last few years.

Is it possible those JELQ exercises, cause direct injury and trauma to the IC and IB muscle like I felt? My current theory is that the condition is so rare and a sub-condition of the CPPS is because those muscles get injured first, and then drag the rest of the pelvic floor with them. That would also explain my "acute" injuries and the fact both my supposed HF and CPPS began the minute after I did the exercises, while I never had any issues before in my life. That would also explain the unique symptoms of hard flaccid, that involve both the pelvic and the penis in such a way. Maybe I should also target those muscles as well?

I again would be happy to hear your opinion

[webslave]

I can't speak for Dr Wise, but I also had what looked like a hard flaccid condition many years ago when I had UCPPS, and men often complain of the penis being retracted and hard when the pelvic floor is in spasm. The only thing that is new is the terminology 'hard-flaccid'.

Regarding "jelqing", the term only appears once in the research literature, and there is no scientific proof anywhere that it leads to damage, despite what you can read elsewhere on the internet.

Once again, I encourage you to have your disturbed mentation treated if you want to be cured of this condition. Endless catastrophizing and theory-making will only lead you deeper into distress.

[Dutcherfsss]

Thank you very much Webslave. I will mention Dr. Wise agreed with you, in that he doesn't think hard flaccid needs a seperate classification.

In regards to treatment, i have a few questions.

Do you have any particular protocol you prefer for recovery?

(Certain kind of stretches, internal TP work, relaxation technique ect). I would like to get to improving as quick as possible. (I have red the tips section of course, but maybe something changed in your view)

[webslave]

My protocol is outlined on the Tips page. Try everything there (but not all at the same time!) Work through them slowly. It will take many months to get through all that, and along the way you will find strategies that help. In your case, it's unlikely you will improve without psychiatric and psychological help as well. I can tell you are resistant to the idea though.

[Dutcherfsss]

Per your advice, I decided to seek specialised treatment for OCD and start taking SSRI. My life was hindered long enough

I hope whatever happened to me is a pelvic floor issue only and will be resolved, but I am also afraid that the injury is somehow permenant, especially after looking at various forums and many describing the HF part as permenant etc

However, I am rational enough to know I suffer from OCD and catastrophizing, so even my thoughts are clouded. Worst case I will need to come to terms with what happened and in being somewhat "crippled" for life. I will make sure to update as I progress.

Cheers

Admin comment: I look forward to your updates! You have made the first step in the right direction

[Dutcherfsss]

Happy to share I began taking SSRI and seeing a CBT therapist for my OCD. I will have more updates later. You played a huge part in this webslave!

Admin comment: Well done; you've started the journey back to wellness

[Dutcherfsss]

Update #1
Hey Webslave.

I am doing pretty bad and in a bad place mentally, really bad and while waiting for the OCD therapist next week and the meds to kick in, I find it hard to go on. I truly am trying to hold on, but find it hard by the day. I honestly don't know what to do and truly feel hopeless. Any help will be amazing

In short, the SSRIs killed my erections completely, and I broke up with my GF (yay). My OCD is in full flare mode, and I have several mental breakdowns this week. I know I must take the medication and its the proper road for healing long term, but its tough. I am doing everything to hold on.

My current OCD theme/focus is that I can't let go of the feeling of being impotent, and having destroyed my penis completely. My catastrophizing is in full 100% crisis mode, leading me to read forum posts of people who jelqed and later became impotent, and I keep repeating the though in my head, that despite only jelqing 3 or 4 times very softly (because of my BDD and extreme OCD, I swear I was in a bad place) I completely ruined my life, my penis, and that later injury with my now ex-GF sealed the deal.

1. A thread of people who jelqed and became 100% impotent [link to poor-quality forum removed]
2. Urologist talks about how latest studies show jelqing causing impotence https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tv1BjkNqXbs
3. A thread where you yourself commented on Jelqing and its dangers https://ucpps.men/viewtopic.php?t=4297&hilit=jelq
4. The latest injury with my GF who moved suddenly when she was on top. My extreme tight and erect penis couldn't handle it, leading it to bend and develop local trauma. I didn't have the full on fracture penis, but did have some swelling. Who knows what this swelling will cause long term? How much abuse can my penis take before I develop scarring, bending or just ED from damage and trauma. I still have some local pain every now and then 4 months later! I had no idea she would move in such a way, and had no idea it could be so damaging. Fuck me.

(The guy in the thread above, who jelqed and you commented on has my exact symptoms to match, including the full HF, bent flaccid penis (not erect), ED, penis needs constant simulation, erections lost and certain angles and most worrying the extreme tight erections. Those don't sound like the usual CPPS syndrome, and seem unique to people who jelqed (again, alongside the full CPPS symptoms which I do have, how does that work, how did I develop every CPPS symptom under the sun, alongside unique symptoms of very tight erections and bent flaccid penis, what is going on)?

I also feel every sexual act beside missionary or doggy is simply impossible in any shape way or form, and will very easily break the penis (as almost occurred). Is it because of the tight pelvic muscles not allowing the penis ROM? Something else. Its the exact feeling the guy in the post described down to a t! My penis is so tight its crazy, even the slightest pushing down causes me pain

This are his comments;

"I can only actually push my penis to the side, down or up a few degrees when erect before feeling great resistance. Very stiffly rooted (TENSE PELVIC MUSCLES?)"
"I agree when you think erection, you think hard. This is not a good hard, its a painful, uncomfortable, non-pleasurable hard that's virtually impossible to have sex with in any other position than missionary or doggy and it has to be very slow...... Bottom line: my cock will literally snap if anything at all happens, and its not compressible too, making insertion painful. Only once in a while is it not THAT BAD, enough to make me realize it ain't normal. It's like the Pelvic muscles are so tense they are pulling the penis in towards the body, which is what I think causes my penis not to be able to be pushed to the sides or up and down at all. "

The tight erection is what worries me most. Honestly so much time has passed I thought it was normal, and when my GF moved and the pain became extreme I realized something is wrong. I have no idea if this is how I sealed the deal on my impotence/Peyronie's disease. Will I literally become impotent just because of casual sex with her on top with this symptoms?

I don't want you to be my therapist and know I am going through an OCD episode, but me and my family are at our wits end. This is one of the darkest and most horrible chapters of my life. Every day I wake with extreme regret and fear and imagine my life as an impotent man. I have no idea what's real or if I am truly just losing my mind because of the OCD, or because I caused such a unique injury because of jelqing like 4 times very easy, and the further trauma my GF caused. God help me, I am in a bad place.

Thank you for reading Webslave.

[webslave]

1. You are in full catastrophizing mode, which is quite common in men with UCPPS.
2. Get a short course of Valium or other benzodiazepine from your family doctor for immediate relief.
3. Keep taking SSRIs for the OCD. It can take a while to work.
4. The only references I can find in the literature to jelqing is this study, where it is seen as a symptom of psychological dysfunction (body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) concerning penis size and small penis anxiety (SPA))
5. In rare cases, according to some studies not carried on PubMed, jelqing can lead to injury that can have long-term consequences. We don't know how common this is; it could be very rare. My suggestion is that you allow the penis a time for recovery, with no activity for a few weeks, before reassessing. If symptoms persist, see a urologist

[Dutcherfsss]

Thank you. I just woke up in the middle of the night with only a weak erection which I think is painful as well? 4 months after the incident? How can it be painful 4 weeks later! I have no idea what is real down there at this point. Maybe its the beginning of Peyronie? It's why the erections are weak and painful. I did have minor swelling. Which would lead me to believe some local bleeding and a minor rupture happened

The SSRI also made me complete insomniac. I barely sleep an hour a night. I pray to god what I am feeling down there is not real and a fidget of my imagination. Please god.

Admin comment: you are having a panic attack. Get it treated. Your perception of reality is warped and cannot be trusted. See your doctor and tell him/her about the panic.

[a94]

Extreme pain in the left muscle, which goes near the penis and the testicles.

That's one of the pain I have too. Piriformis Stretches & Happy Baby Pose relaxes that pain. I do Piriformis 30 seconds per legs 3x & HBP 45 secs 3x. Seeing a pelvic-floor PT would definitely help you again if you still have these kinds of pain and/or getting a Pelvic Wand so you can work out the trigger points yourself.

So, immediately after I found the book "headache in the pelvis" and began applying what is written, and I also found a PT in conjunction. She diagnosed me with CPPS, and began working on internal and external trigger points. There were definitely trigger points, and I became much better after each session.

Isn't this a glimmer of hope for you? Things got better in the past, they will again. Do you remember the PT recommendations? These could lead you to find solutions.

My OCD is in full flare mode, and I have several mental breakdowns this week. I know I must take the medication and its the proper road for healing long term, but its tough. I am doing everything to hold on.

Sorry about the situation with your gf, that must have been rough SSRIs helped a ton for suppressing my anxiety & finding my way out of a depression. They were very worth it to me, but if you find they don't do a good job you could discuss with your doctor to try another one or up the dosage. I have Lexapro which took about 6 weeks to take effect, but it was for anxiety /depression, not OCD. It did kill my libido, but I'm still on it.

My current OCD theme/focus is that I can't let go of the feeling of being impotent, and having destroyed my penis completely. My catastrophizing is in full 100% crisis mode, leading me to read forum posts of people who jelqed and later became impotent, and I keep repeating the though in my head, that despite only jelqing 3 or 4 times very softly (because of my BDD and extreme OCD, I swear I was in a bad place) I completely ruined my life, my penis, and that later injury with my now ex-GF sealed the deal.

Don't Google such things, you are only reinforcing your anxiety.

Do you have good coping techniques for OCD? I had Generalized Anxiety for a while, thinking my coping techniques were good, but it was only after seeing a psychologist who recommended me some book-reading that I finally got proper techniques. It might be worth investigating top-rated OCD-coping books (your therapist might guide you towards them nonetheless). These techniques will help you all the way throughout your life.