Delayed ejaculation- anyone have similar symptoms?

[BSchuman]

Introduction: I've actually never climaxed inside a girl. I lost my virginity at a late age (23) and I already was experiencing symptoms of CP.
I'm convinced that a good part of the cause was my lack of sexual activity. I did not start masturbating until quite late in the game, so I had many years of buildup and wet dreams... Sometimes the wet dreams were infrequent so I can't imagine how much dead sperm was just sitting there in my prostate for months and months.
Anyway, these are my symptoms: When I'm having sex with a girl, I feel fine for a good few minutes, then the girl climaxes, then a little while later, I start to hurt and really feel like I have to urinate. My erection gets slightly softer, but it's definitely still hard. The pain is both in the scrotum and the urethra. When it starts to feel awkward, I pull out and then go to the bathroom. Urination hurts a bit but comes out pretty easily.

This has happened with two different girls many months apart. After the first girl, I thought to myself that I just wasn't comfortable enough around her or wasn't attracted to her enough. I was very attracted to the second girl so I give up on lack of attraction as a cause.

All the while, masturbation has not been a problem. It takes about ten minutes on average. In a normal week, I do it about every other day or less and there is no pain, although I can almost always expect some of the semen to continue to dribble in the minutes afterward.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Does anybody have any ideas?

[webslave]

Sperm that is not ejaculated does not stay in the scrotum for a long time. It is simply reabsorbed by the body.

Starting to hurt during intercourse is not a symptom of CP/CPPS. The pain in chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome typically comes after ejaculation, from a few minutes to several hours later.

Pulling out and going to urinate during coitus, especially when masturbation is normal, says that one of two things is happening:

1. either you have psychological problems concerning women and/or sex; or
2. the pressure on your pelvic region caused by pressing against your partner's body is irritating the bladder and causing discomfort, and hence the need to urinate

If option (2) seems more likely, go to a urologist and ask for a cystoscopy of your bladder. The diagnosis could be "interstitial cystitis".

[BSchuman]

Thank you for your response. I am indeed concerned that maybe it is another condition.

I must not have said this in the post, but the pain during sex is not that strong. During sex, it feels like the greatest source of the delayed ejaculation is nervousness, weak muscles, and a need to urinate. When I pull out, I have blueballs and if I masturbate too vigorously to relieve it, the pain can become much worse. In other cases, masturbating more than once a day has increased the pain.

I'm trying to get a gauge on how common delayed ejaculation is among people with chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome because if, then that's a sign that my condition could be something else.

[webslave]

Delayed ejaculation is not a problem I have noticed in this population. In fact, premature ejaculation can be a problem.

You mention elsewhere that you have a hydrocele. This also could be getting disturbed during sex, although unlikely.

When you say you experience "nervousness, weak muscles" during sex, I am again put in mind of psychological problems.

[BSchuman]

Update:

Since the last post, I have had sex without feeling any pain. However, I still did not manage to climax in the vagina.

I did not have severe "blueballs." And when I masturbated for relief several hours later, I did not feel the usual pain then, either.

I think it's likely that this is psychological and gets better with practice. I've read a lot about "retarded" or "delayed" ejaculation and yes, the causes do seem to be related to psychological/social anxiety that is not necessarily related to pelvic function.

But I'm still trying to figure out the root of the problem. I have many concurrent issues and I'm trying to eliminate some. I still have many symptoms associated with CPPS, such as a weak urine stream that seems to take forever to finish and dribbling. I have a similar issue with semen- it continues to dribble for the next hour or so even if I've made sure to squeeze the remaining semen out of the urethra.

The last time I had sex, I had a feeling that I was almost ready to come but that it just wasn't getting pushed out, and I became soft after a while. I know that it could be completely due to social/psychological discomfort but I really do feel like it could be physical as well. I'd hate to spend days and days trying to work on it with a woman or taking libido-boosting supplements with potentially harmful effects on chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome symptoms if chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome is actually the root of the problem.

When I masturbate, it doesn't seem to take me an unusual amount of time- it takes 5-15 minutes on average. And, while there has been pain, masturbation is mostly painless for me. But I always apply more pressure than there is in actual intercourse. Likely, my problem is just a case of conditioning (I'm used to my hand and need to get used to the feeling of a vagina). But I also have to wonder if my high-pressure masturbation habit has been compensating for a weakness in my pelvic muscles, which would make my inability to come inside a woman a muscular problem more than it is a psychological one.

Basically, I'm looking for any advice that might help me figure out which of the following I need to work the most on:

1) pelvic floor dysfunction
2) anxiety about sex
3) lowered testosterone/libido

[webslave]

You could ask a doctor for a course of benzodiazepines and take one an hour or two before intercourse. This will lower anxiety levels and may make sex an easier experience for you. Once your mind has accustomed itself to unproblematic intimate relations with the opposite sex, the medications will be unnecessary. It's certainly worth a try !

[BSchuman]

I took your advice. I told the doctor that, per these forums, valium was recommended over Xanax, but she prescribed Xanax anyway.

Nonetheless, I have noticed a difference. It has not been tested with a woman yet, but I tested it during masturbation. I did it once (a few weeks ago) about a half hour after taking the pill and my muscles did not tense the way they used to. Also, I felt like I'd completely emptied out after ejaculation, which is rare. Since then, it has been possible for me to get a similar level of relaxation (though not quite the same) without the aid of benzodiazepines.

So your advice is more or less proving to be correct, thanks.

[webslave]

Excellent.:thumbup:

[itsallme]

This reply comes rather late but might be helpful still, I hope, to some still suffering with this condition or DE.

I am currently seeing a sex therapist recommended by my urologist who has worked with this condition in men and chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome as well.
I am very fortunate that I live in a city where I have access to a PT doing trigger point therapy, and one of the best around. My CP is much better with time doing all the right things, but since I first joined this forum way back in 2006, I think, my life has taken a turn for the worst, and this has caused a lot of stress and depression too. I don't take any meds for either, but do have some Ativan handy in case of emergency: panic attack, of which I rarely if ever get these days. No, my problem has been, I suspect, like many men who suffer from DE, unconventional mb practices growing up, like mb'ing in the prone (face down) position into bunched up sheets and blanket, and can never ejaculate normally with penetration because of this. The pressure I got accustomed to using that idiosyncratic technique one can't get by vaginal or even anal intercourse for that matter. Also watching and mb'ing to porn or erotic images hasn't helped with this problem. I have been in healthy relationships over the years but have never 'finished normally'. - with the rare exception, see below.

I believe the problem is complex. Weight gain, sedentary lifestyle, stress, chronic worrying, high cholesterol, depression, performance anxiety, body issues (due to weight gain), fatigue, overemphasis on partners' pleasure (overcompensating for own 'shortcomings' and not just with my sceptre!!) and so on. So the cure is to get back in shape, practice mb with my partner present and eventually getting to a point where she can arouse me to climax - In other words getting used to a woman's hand instead of my own! I remember one woman made me climax and that was the only time I didn't have to stimulate myself to reach the 'point of no return' . It was a lazy Sunday afternoon and we had just taken a shower and were feeling very relaxed (key), but she blindfolded me and performed her magic on me, it was incredible. I believe the fact that I was rested, slept well, relaxed and blindfolded enable me to finish normally.

Today I practice 'High Sex' a sort of Taoist esoteric Yoga and Tantra, but have educated myself on male sexuality, reduced stress and anxiety, and not made a big deal (no pun intended!) about this. Never apologize for not getting an erection it only feeds the shame/guilt cycle and is very unattractive. Laugh about it, or compensate by pleasing your partner with your fingers and tongue. Cialis did help, in fact it restored my confidence with one woman but after that I didn't need to take it, at least with that relationship. My urologist said it is a common story, it restores men's confidence, so it is psychological, and physiological not always an organic problem. Get blood tests and check up for diabetes, CAD, and other issues.

Don't despair, there is help out there. I would see a sex therapist, with a willing partner , they won't work on this issue for celibate men. Stop mb'ing to porn and instead do the self-pleasuring exercises in the Art of Sexual Ecstacy by Margo Anand, especially the pelvic pulsing. if you also suffer from chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome I highly recommend trigger point therapy, and most of all reduce stress or chronic tensing in the pelvic floor. I started tensing that area unconsciously as a little boy after a traumatic event. That I uncovered during therapy. No secret here, get in good shape, physically , emotionally and spiritually and things will improve on their in time. But I know the anguish these men are going through. If you have to give up sex for a while then do it, you can pleasure yourself, and later be intimate with a partner. Also highly recommend Mantak Chia's Awaken Male Sexual Energy, meditation or relaxation and re-education on sexuality and intimacy.

Listen to your body, it knows. Rest, relax, have fun, enjoy life, sex isn't everything, don't make it so, and watch you will heal in time.


Books that helped and recommend:

AHIP 4th Ed - of course
The New Male Sexuality ( B. Zilbergeld)
The Art of Sexual Ecstacy (M. Anand)
Taoist Secrets of Love, Cultivating Male Sexual Energy (Mantak Chia) - Esoteric !!
The Sexually Responsive Woman - Drs Phyliis & Eberhard Kronhausen



Good luck