children

[SickofCP]

I was wondering what everyone's thoughts are about telling your children about having CPPS/PM. My son is only 4, so he's not near the age that I would even think about talking about it.

But would talking about it at an older age create a fear that he would get it, and then make it easier for him to get it from the fear/anxiety?

Or would talking about it make it easier to prevent him from living a lifestyle in the same manner that I had, which likely contributed to the condition?

Also, anyone know about how hereditary it may be?

[webslave]

The proclivity to be anxious is highly hereditary, but your son may be more like your wife, or even like your or her siblings, or parents, than you. So see how he turns out as he grows. If he is anxious and tense, seek treatment for that, both pharmacological and counselling. Don't worry him unnecessarily by telling him about pelvic pain until he is completely adult.

[timberdoodle]

My children see me doing my stretching regularly and know that I take occasional longer trips to see a doctor, but they really don't know why. My oldest son isn't yet past 10, and I imagine I'll give him general answers for a while yet if he asks me why I do the stretching and all that.

When I feel he is mature enough, I will probably let him in on the darker side of all this. I think with younger kids, it's OK to let him know that daddy doesn't feel well, but I wouldn't get in too much detail; it would just scare them and stress them, which as well know, is what we want to avoid.

On the plus side, if our kids were to develop this syndrome based on hereditary factors, at least our experience as fathers would be able to help guide them through it; they could avoid all the false starts and dead ends that have burdened so many of us.

[CppsDad]

My daughter has walked in on some PT sessions before (when I was desperate, we just did them when we could). That was slightly embarrassing. She offered to help with "daddy's stretching" (I always tell her I do stretching). It was sweet, but she doesn't know much about things other than that sometimes I don't feel well.

I'm not worried about explaining things to my kids in this area. It's a muscle condition in the abdomen and groin. That by itself would probably bore them. I don't think this is an embarrassing disease that they can't understand.

Mike

[SickofCP]

The proclivity to be anxious is highly hereditary, but your son may be more like your wife, or even like your or her siblings, or parents, than you. So see how he turns out as he grows. If he is anxious and tense, seek treatment for that, both pharmacological and counselling. Don't worry him unnecessarily by telling him about pelvic pain until he is completely adult.

Agreed. So far I think he is different than I am. My mother tells me that I was extremely cautious and careful. My son walks the wild side much more like my older brother was (and is). My brother has not had any pelvic problems. So hopefully my son will be fine. They are both more carefree than I ever was.

[LightningTree]

I'm glad someone brought this up. My wife and I really want kids, but I've been afraid to commit due to a fear that I won't be there for them.

When I was a little kid, I always new that my Dad had a bad back. But I was always proud of him for sticking to his work and getting by. Sometimes he was waddling around the house, but I didn't feel any less of him because of it.

If I do have kids, I'm going to probably just tell them that "Dad has a bad butt." And just teach them to stretch properly after sports (real stretching, not the usual sports stretching) and focus on making sure they know how to relax when they get stressed out.

But I don't know what I will do if I have a severe flare-up that lasts 6 months or a year, or even two years. That thought scares me.

My mom (she wants grandkids, I think ) says I should suck it up and move on with my life. That if I don't have kids I will just be freezing my life in fear of the possible. I guess she is right. But it sounds funny coming from my Mom, who has always been a major anxiety/avoider type.

[CppsDad]

The point of this thread has changed somewhat, but that's ok. LighteningTree, I agree with your Mom. Having kids is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. If I didn't have them due to my CPPS, I think I would regret that decision for the rest of my life. That's just my opinion.

Kids are stressful, anxiety provoking, and don't go well with relaxation sessions. But that happens whether you have chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome or you are in perfect health. EVERY parent has to deal with the difficulties of raising children. But you know what? Most parents would say it was one of the best times of their life. So you have to trust those who have been there (like your Mom), and don't let chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome make your decisions for you.

Now, regarding not being there for your kids... If you search these forums, this topic has come up a lot. And I've replied in it a lot too. A lot of us worry about not being there for the kids. But the truth is, as you suggest, the kids don't know the difference. And let's be optimistic - hopefully by the time they would know the difference, you'll be almost symptom free. Yes, it sucks when I'm in a flare-up, but you just deal with it and move on. I was at my worst last year with my 3 year old, and she barely noticed. If anything, my kids motivate me to work harder on recovery than ever before, as I feel like they give me a reason to live. Often times, they distract me from my pain in a way that no TV program can.

Despite the flare ups, I can still give my kids love. I mean, there are blind, deaf, and wheel-chair bound parents who's kids love them more than anything in the world, and their families are something to cherish. Don't think for a second that your child won't love you, or that you won't get anything out of being a parent, just because you have a few days or weeks here and there where you aren't throwing the football around. At least you weren't too drunk to throw it around. You have pain. Your kids will understand.

Mike

[scotsman]

Excellent post Mike and I agree with it 110%.

My wife and I went through IVF during the time I've had chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome - then a pretty rough pregnacy (complications), a 64 hour labour and now we have the most amazing 5 month old boy. I'd jump at the chance of doing it all again - children are everything and so much more than you'd imagine.

We could not be happier these days and it's actually helped me put my chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome in perspective (life is sooo much bigger).

Don't let chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome hold you back from living your life. Don't let it win.

Richard.

[CppsDad]

Yes, don't let chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome beat you. Not for something as important as deciding whether to have children.

All new Dads feel nervous about having children, and about whether they'll be a good dad, or as good as their own dad, or whether they are ready to be a parent at all. Your feelings are normal, even for non-CPPS patients.

Mike