The people in this forum...

[Viking]

I have been thinking a little bit about what kind of people are here on this forum. Without knowing everyone of course, it seems like we are all a bunch of guys who have pretty good jobs, mostly computer related, most of us seem to be compassionate and dependable people and I believe a lot of us are analytical in a sense that we weigh our decisions and think a lot.

Is this type of personality typical for developing chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome ? I don`t think I have read about anyone here who works in construction (without owning the business), typical store jobs or flipping burgers at Jack in the Box. When I think of person who has this type of job, I think of a person who does not care that much about weather or not he does a good job. He probably doesn`t care if he makes mistakes at work. And if he doesn`t feel that great one day, he will call in sick.

Most of us here don`t have that "luxury". If we don`t feel well one day, we still go to work, because often times, our co workers will not do our job while we are gone. The job won`t go away and if we are absent for a day or two, the pile of work keeps building up and we have to work evenings and weekends to catch up. While some people get a thrill of having power and being a key player at work, I think for a lof of us this is a stressing thought, yet most of us are in that exact situation.

Try to imagine if you won millions in a lottery. You could quit your job, get a nice holiday house in Florida, become a member of a country club and play a lot of golf if you like to do that, or even travel to numerous exotic places. You would have all the time in the world to do what you love most. Do you think that your pain would decrease or go away then ? I would imagine so.

I am not saying that we should quit our jobs or even play the lottery, but I am just trying to put things in perspective. I have heard of people who have worked hard their whole lives and made a lot of money and aquired expensive stuff. Then when they are old an retired, they are thinking; why did I waste my short life on this when I could have spent more time with my family and friends. All that money didn`t get me a better life. Hell, I didn`t even have time to visit my vacation home in Italy..

Any thoughts ?

[DavidinLA]

Hi Viking,

This is a great post and it warrants some serious discussion.

I too work in the computer field as a client-server programer. Looking around in this group, it seems that many of the members have computer jobs and fit the profile you mentioned. However, one must keep in mind that we may be seeing a skewed representation of the populaion of chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome patients since people with those personality characteristics may be more likely to participate in this type of forum. Still, it would be interesting to see the profiles of a true sample of chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome sufferers to see if this is a typical personality.

I have worked at my present job for almost seven years. In the last year, since I was afflicted with CPPS, I have missed more days of work (because of my symptoms) than I have missed in the previous six years combined. You're right - there is no one to do my work when I'm gone as I more or less manage all the client-server applications in my department. It's also very true that the "key player" aspect is very stresing. Working long hours and working away from people do not help much in lessening the stress.

When I was young, winning the lottery did not appeal to me because I thought it would diminish my purpose in life if I did not have to work. I still would prefer to have perfect health, a job working more with people and one that I enjoyed, and a decent standard of living. Since my health is not perfect, winning the lottery has been more of a wish of mine as I'm not 100% sure that I'll make it to retirement age. Having that big stress off my back would most likely aid my health. If that were to happen, I hope I'd now be wise enough to find something meaningful to do outside of leisure activities, like become active for some good cause.

Since you are located in Norway, I was wondering if you could tell us about its work climate. I have not been to Norway, but I have been to Sweden where it seemed, from my perspective, that people, when compared to those in the U.S., were less stressed, more likely to get along with there co-workers more (instead of trying to compete with them), and better knew how to enjoy their leisure time. The competition is just too fiece here in the U.S. and I believe it affects ones emotional well-being.

[webslave]

... our co workers will not do our job while we are gone. The job won`t go away and if we are absent for a day or two, the pile of work keeps building up and we have to work evenings and weekends to catch up.

That's quite true. When I resigned from my stressful computer consultant's job 15 years ago, they replaced me with FOUR people! I realize now in retrospect that I worked much too hard, took things far too seriously.

[Viking]

Hey DavidInLA

I think you are right in the way that the work climate is not as bad here as it is in the U.S. However, I work for an international sports clothing company with offices in Seattle among others, so I think my company is more fast paced than typical Scandinavian companies. My boss works a lot, and I think that her stressing out affects the others in our department.

When I went to college in the U.S., I did some working at Best Western`s hq in Phoenix. That working environment was pretty calm, but the organization is set up sort of like a non-profit one, which might explain that.

I do think though, that if you really enjoy the work you do, you can turn the stress into positive thing. I remember I used to work as a golf professional assistant teaching people and selling equipment in the pro shop. I loved it. Unfortunately, the golf season is only 7 months here in Norway, and you don`t have that many courses, so it is tough to make a living doing it.

[MastCells]

Hey DavidInLA

I think you are right in the way that the work climate is not as bad here as it is in the U.S.

I agree completely, Viking. I would even go as far as to say that the work climate in the US is poisonous. It's very difficult for CPPS/PM patients to work in this country and manage our chronic muscular/neurological dysfunction. This is coming from someone who was born in the US, loves the US, has worked in the US for many years, and has traveled the world to many more worker-friendly countries.

[DavidinLA]

I agree completely, Viking. I would even go as far as to say that the work climate in the US is poisonous. It's very difficult for CPPS/PM patients to work in this country and manage our chronic muscular/neurological dysfunction. This is coming from someone who was born in the US, loves the US, has worked in the US for many years, and has traveled the world to many more worker-friendly countries.

I agree with MastCells. The work environment here is just toxic to people with this condition. The sad thing is that work conditions are only getting worse. I really would like my chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome to go away so that I can change careers and maybe even move to another state where the cost of living is lower. California is just too expensive.

Thanks for the information, Viking. Hopefully, I can visit Sweden again this summer and check out Norway as well. I wonder what effects the cold climate has on chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome sufferers.

[HuckFinn]

I agree with what's been said about the poisonous work environment in the U.S. But based on my own observations of myself and other men I know with this condition (they include two attorneys and a pilot, as well as myself--a journalist), I would argue that men with chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome do tend to be especially driven and put too much pressure on ourselves beyond what even our bosses are probably demanding. That was true in my own case. In school, I settled for nothing less than an A. At work, I equated "a job well done" with working to the point of exhaustion. In one instance, when my boss asked me whether I was tired and needed some time off, I brushed off her concern and kept toiling away.

My wife, by contrast, has a much healthier attitude toward work. When she was a student, her dad encouraged her to be a B student rather than an A, arguing that you'll learn just as much and will still have plenty of time left to enjoy life. When she recounted that advice to me, it was like hearing advice from another planet. The notion of "settling for a B"--in school or in work--seemed at first lazy. But now I see that in the long run, it's the smarter strategy for work and for health (tortoise vs. hare).

As much as I admire and endorse the Stanford approach to combatting CPPS, the one flaw I see in the Stanford approach is that it focuses almost exclusively on physiological fixes (relaxation, trigger point, stretching) while only giving minor attention the psychological issues and mindsets that help fuel the muscular tension. And where work is concerned, I think that mindset--at least in my case--is the harmful notion that we establish our worth through what we do, rather than simply seeing our worth as innate--God-given, if you will. It's a notion that leads to workaholism, which is physically and emotionally destructive.

As I've said, I'm a major advocate of the Stanford approach as far as it goes, but what's been extremely helpful for me is combining the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol with some one-on-one psychotherapy. And I'm a little surprised that Stanfrod doesn't issue a general recommendation for men with chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome to seek out some counseling to help deal with the psychological glitches that contribute to the CPPS.

While attending Stanford's program, I mentioned to Dr. Wise that I had experienced some childhood physical abuse, and for that reason, he strongly encouraged me to seek out an EMDR-style therapist, which I promptly did. The sessions have been extremely helpful, and not just in terms of dealing with the childhood abuse. The therapist has been amazingly helpful in steering me toward taking a more loving, accepting attitude toward life, family, work, and myself in general. And as that change has happened, I can actually feel myself experiencing less internal stress. My wife has noticed the change in my attitude as well in terms of being more loving and not having such a short fuse.

I'm not sure why psychological therapy isn't a main component of the Stanford approach, or why there isn't a blanket recommendation for all men with this condition to at least consider seeking some psychological therapy. But given that men with chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome do seem to be more driven, professional types), I can't help but think that our attitudes toward life and work play a significant role in why we've come down with the condition to begin with. Our physical pain is a wake-up call to re-evaluate our approach to life. And to do that, I've found it extremely helpful to tap into the expertise of a therapist. I've made significant progress in only a few months, and I couldn't have done that simply be trying to figure things out on my own.

[royroy500]

agree completely. My job is computer related and reqires a lot of thinking

[demko9]

Very interesting observation. I am a Financial Consultant and constantly working or thinking about work. I remember once when I was on vacation for 2 weeks and was eating healthy, relaxing, sleeping in, and taking it easy. It was the best my symptoms have ever been since I got this condition. I say we all pitch in, buy an Island in the Carribean, import our wives and girlfriends, hire a cook, and relax. Who's with me?

[webslave]

I'm there!

[winding_road]

Demko9 I am in... fine I will be the cook tooo

it is true that this condition should lead us to reconsider the way we live.
it takes a lot of courage and great deal of faith of a better future. But the whole thing can collapse anytime. for me it has been like this :

First : I think too much about CPPS.

then : I find that there is no other way to live than by forgetting it and the handicaps that it has given me.

Then I try to focus on things that I could still do and enjoy.

Then I fogetaboutit !

Then something happens and make me remeber it

Then I start thinking about it and go back to the first step.

Thus my life has been very cyclical, with long term cycles and short perturbations too... like a stock market

[latte]

No wonder Dr. Wise moved to the back woods. His estate in Sebastopol is one of the most peaceful places I have ever been. During one relaxation session I asked him if I could stay there for a few years, he just smiled.

[blacklaw]

Demko9 I am in... fine I will be the cook tooo

it is true that this condition should lead us to reconsider the way we live.
it takes a lot of courage and great deal of faith of a better future. But the whole thing can collapse anytime. for me it has been like this :

First : I think too much about CPPS.

then : I find that there is no other way to live than by forgetting it and the handicaps that it has given me.

Then I try to focus on things that I could still do and enjoy.

Then I fogetaboutit !

Then something happens and make me remeber it

Then I start thinking about it and go back to the first step.

Thus my life has been very cyclical, with long term cycles and short perturbations too... like a stock market

Sounds all to familiar. I think we all go through this with CPPS. The toughest part is trying to just ignore it. I am an attorney, so my mind is normally analyzing everything. chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome presents a whole new area for me to analyze and get very OCD about. It really just becomes an issue of turning off the brain, if that is possible. It is interesting to talk to the people who have this....seems like a lot of "type A" personalities. I definitely count myself as one.