CPPS is taking my life from me (Brett's Case)

[BrettP]

You're right webslave. Thats the truth. My body was telling me no mas. Hopefully this thing gets under control in the next few days. My ibs/CPPS is showing some signs of giving up. . . ate healthy today, pounded some fiber. . so hopefully this gets me back on track. Holy shit is it a nightmare feeling. Seriously felt like someone put a blowtorch down there. I just have to believe this was stress related, along with the food. . . my usual suspect. This week should be relaxed, BUT, there is no guarantee. I think I may try and take a day off and relax. Fortunately, it only gets that bad around 3-4 times a year, and if it only flares me for a week, I can deal with it, but if it lasts much longer, I have to figure out something else to help manage that stress load. . . . at any cost.

[BrettP]

So, in the light of all the pain, I have a funny story to tell everyone. . and maybe a piece of advice. . . hopefully you'll find this amusing -- at my expense of course. .

I'm driving to San Diego from LA, its about a 2½ hour drive without traffic. Usually I'm ok, and don't have to make too many stops too pee. Well, on this trip, my symptoms were flaring, and I was having the urge constantly. Pain in bladder, etc. I pulled over one time and relieved myself, thinking, well, that was ok, I should be good for the rest of the trip. . THINK NOT! Literally the minute I got in my car I had to pee again. So now I'm thinking to myself, I'm never going to make it to SD if I have to stop every 5 minutes. So I pretty much said, screw this, I won't stop again. I was doing about 85 on the freeway, trying to make good time. All the while thinking to myself. . . Can I hold this until I get there? NO WAY! I looked around my car frantically for a solution, and noticed a bunch of water bottles. I had a moment to reflect, and said, screw it, I'm pissing in one of those bottles come hell or high water. I figured this wouldn't be the last time this happened, so while driving I took off my shoes, then my pants, grabbed a water bottle and said to myself "be steady young jedi. " Of course the bottle opening is too small, and I started taking a leak into the bottle. I did this about 5 times in 45 minutes, and it worked. Very little mess, and relived the stress of "trying to find a bathroom at every exit. " However, if you find yourself in this situation, I recommend the wide mouth bottles, seems to work better. Good times. . . was able to laugh at myself the whole way. . I got off the freeway, redressed my self, and made GREAT time to my buddies house where we hung out partied and indulged ourselves on tri tip, Bud light and other foods that would normally send me into pain.

I had a great time doing all the things I SHOULDN'T be doing, and I felt great, no symptoms, no pain, just a good time with friends. Lots of laughing. I can't recommend stress relief enough for this condition. It will really improve you. So hopefully you laugh and get better. . . .

[carld]

At my worst...I one time had to pee in my empty lunch container as I was on the side of the road on Sunset in LA in front of multi million dollar homes. I couldn't aim in the water bottles and had it all over my hand and lap...Good times

[BrettP]

nice carl, aint that grand? God another nasty day at work and a major flare in my symptoms.... hmmmm.

[BrettP]

Things just keep getting worse at work. It's like prison. Each time the stress picks up I haveanxiety attacks and things just degrade from there. Knowing I'll be here late with little stress relief at home has turned this into a prison. I'd love to leave but I can't it's like a ball and chain. And knowing how screwed up the economyis I'm stuck. And that just makes it worse. This really is horrible.

[webslave]

Since the Global Financial Meltdown has hit, I've seen a BIG pickup in activity on this forum. That alone tells you a lot about this disorder.

[Silas1066]

I wonder how much the financial crisis actually contributes to my problems. My urinary issues started up in early December, when all-hell started breaking loose.

There is talk of nationalizing the banking system, 18% unemployment, US bonds being downgraded, and DOW 4000.

[BrettP]

Question... Benzos.

Okay, I have been taking benzodiazepine medications for over a year now. I don't abuse them, I take them every day, but never really taking more than what "works". Here is what I don't get. I am at the point now where I just don't want to take them anymore. I mean, I go to take the pill and I don't want too. I like the way they make me feel, but I've just gotten to the point where i, for some reason, just don't want to take them. No cravings, no side effects, just a general "dont feel like it" attitude. I find this odd being that so many people get addicted to them or what not. Very, very odd. I used to look forward to it. Now I just don't have the motivation to take them. Shouldn't this be the opposite way around? Anyone have any thoughts to why I may have developed an aversion to these medications?

[webslave]

They aren't supposed to be used indefinitely anyway, so maybe your body is trying to tell you something.

[tascam]

I had a moment to reflect, and said, screw it, I'm pissing in one of those bottles come hell or high water.

That's what I do. I carry a large hard plastic water bottle with a large opening under the seat of the car. You just get on your knees on the front seat facing away from the steering wheel and no one will see you peeing. it makes sense, since looking for a bathroom is a bother.

[strobers]

Question... Benzos.

Okay, I have been taking benzodiazepine medications for over a year now. I don't abuse them, I take them every day, but never really taking more than what "works". Here is what I don't get. I am at the point now where I just don't want to take them anymore. I mean, I go to take the pill and I don't want too. I like the way they make me feel, but I've just gotten to the point where i, for some reason, just don't want to take them. No cravings, no side effects, just a general "dont feel like it" attitude. I find this odd being that so many people get addicted to them or what not. Very, very odd. I used to look forward to it. Now I just don't have the motivation to take them. Shouldn't this be the opposite way around? Anyone have any thoughts to why I may have developed an aversion to these medications?

I don't like to take pills either. I have tons of unused benzos that I haven't used. I could open a pharmacy. At this point I take valium when I absolutely can't handle things anymore. I think it is best to try other things first and then work up to the drugs.

I have gotten to the point that I'm just sick of everything I'm taking and doing. All the supplements, scripts, stretching, relaxation, EFT, I'm just flippen sick of it. Everything seems to revolve around trying to deal with this thing. Yes, I'm functioning, I'm working, but my life seems to revolve around keeping my symptoms at bay. I try different things all the time for five or six weeks and then discontinue, modify or add something. Like I'm trying to find a secret elixer that will just leave me normal. I accept that I am sick. I accept that I have an anxiety disorder. I accept that most of the time I'm on edge. I work so damn hard at changing the course of my life to where it was headed before I got sick but it's like I'm stuck going in one direction.

[BrettP]

I understand you completely. I just want to get back to where I was 1.5 years ago.

[JoVoChicago]

Hey guys,
I know exactly what you're saying - I'm a diabetic - and I need two insulin shots a day and a pill (Actos).
I've gotta' stop whatever I'm doing to check my bloodsugar levels 3 times a day - then there is eating - sometimes you have to force yourself to eat even when you're not hungry - other times - you have to wait to eat even if you're starving.
Add chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome to that and it's really easy to feel like your entire life revolves around survival instead of living life.
It can be really depressing.
But, I'm working at changing that in my head.
There are enough good moments in life to outweigh the bad - or boring - or mundane.
I find inspiration in the strangest places - like watching shows like "I Survived" - or a recent special about Primordial Dwarves.
I know I have it tough - but - I don't have it as tough as those people.
It gives me the courage to "soldier on" and enjoy the comfortable smaller moments in life.
I'm not saying I'm totally at peace with any of this (yet).
I'm no Dalai Lama.
Right before Christmas I punched a hole in my wall out of frustration - which I in turn had to repair & repaint - which wasn't all bad because fixing the wall was a good distraction and - well - it kinda' made me feel good to know that I could still punch a hole in a wall...haha...
But dumb nevertheless - since I'm sure it only agitated my pelvis.
The point is - I'm really trying to wrangle with all of the rage, depression and frustration - because I know it's a big part of the road to recovery.
I guess a simple way of putting it is - acceptance.
I'm really battling with that - just like you guys are.
But - I do know that is the big paradox - that in order to get past this - we first have to become comfortable with the fact that we do indeed have it...and have to jump through certain hoops because of it - for as long as it takes.
It's a hard to swallow bitter pill.
I lose sight of my goals often.
I'm looking forward to the day when this entire "class" can post in the success stories thread.
I wish you guys luck.
Joseph

[BrettP]

When it's hard, be hard. Been toughing it out this week, another long one going in the books at work.

[BrettP]

Jeesus christ I feel like someone shoved a pine cone up my ass. I did a "stress test" to my system, knowing damn well it may make me sick. I ate a hot dog with bacon and a ton of grilled onions. And here I am, in pain, been 24 hours now. First started with horrible gas, painful bm's, painful stomach. I just have to believe its the onions. It has to be, every time I have onions this ensues. I guess I know not to try and "stress test" my system. Overall though, I have been doing a bit better it seems. I'm still bothered most days, but, its livable. Bladder pain only bad when gas issues. Other then that no urgency or frequency. But not today... . .