Just went on a date...so frustrating!

[sam5935]

So I just went on a first date with a very attractive woman. As we were having coffee, ( I was having chamomile tea!) she was discussing her upcoming trip to hike to Macchu Picchu, and how much she loved running.

Running and travel are two of the things that I love the most in the world and are both things that I've had to give up since all this happened. I just sat there and kept thinking of how non-vital I am and why in the world she would want to date a man who can't hike, can't run, and feels debilitated all the time by pain.

It was a very unpleasant experience. Just a 2 hour reminder of how weak I've become because of this. I really, really hate what this syndrome has done to who I am.

S-

[elitynski]

Sam - that is totally understandable. But don't extrapolate that because you are experiencing this today that you will never run, travel or go to Macchu Pichu.

I've felt the same way - even this weekend when my friend suggested a drive into Chicago - I was nervous about how I'd feel or if I'd have to pee when heading there, but I did it and it was fine. I wasn't totally comfortable but I made it.

I think we can have a tendency to feeling doomed - especially those of us with higher anxiety levels. But remember, many, many, many of the people get better.

Just keep plugging on and you will find a way of getting better.

I'm sorry it was a miserable date but your life is far from over. Don't give up.

[sam5935]

Thanks for the kind words. I hope you're right. I guess I should keep in mind also that I've been doing the SP pretty hard-core for the last few days. Lots of self tp-work. I know that this can sometimes make things worse before it makes it better. It's just frustrating to be doing MORE work and being rewarded with MORE pain.

S-

[calguy]

I have been going through similar thing with my girlfriend. I really think I should break it off with her and would have before all this hit me. Now I just feel like I am lucky to have someone who puts up with this crap I go through (which has been getting much better). I am just not ready to face the dating world as I am afraid of how women will react to not being able to just take off on a spur of the moment trip or like you said go hiking or something. I feel like I have to lower my expectations for myself, be happy with what I got because of this and that is the hardest thing for me. It is frustrating and I feel your pain. You will be able to travel again one day and probably run too just give yourself some time to heal and explore your spirituality that is what has helped me. Keep your head up!

[sam5935]

Thanks CalGuy!

I feel similarly. When I'm not having much pain, I'm like, "Screw it....I wanna travel the world and shag as many girls as I can!" Then, when I am in pain, I'm like, "Oh God, I have to find a nice girl and settle down and learn how to take care of myself."

I actually think in my case, a nice girl might be very good for me. I haven't been in a relationship for years. Also, here in San Francisco, as well as where you are in Orange County, I'm sure, there's sooo much pressure when you're single. You've go to have a certain look, you've got to have money, you've got to be up on all the trends....just a bunch of B.S. However, it's easy to fall into and creates a lot of pressure for me.

Good luck and thanks again!

S-

[webslave]

Fortunately I became ill after being married for several years, so I was safely within a good relationship and never considered the issues you single or dating guys have to think about. Yet, at my worst times, even I saw myself as a millstone around my wife's neck and had some very dark thoughts. I'm telling you this to make it clear to you that there will be a time in the future when you will look back on your current situation and be amazed. Then, later, you will find these bad times hard to remember clearly, as I do when I look back on my life.

[garyholc]

I know exactly how you feel mate. I used to love meeting girls, bedding them etc. and (not bigging myself up) was always told how good I was. Nowadays, I feel more like a failure, especially with the ED issues. I actually dread the moment when the girl wants more from me. Stupid, its the most natural and fun thing in the world, yet what used to excite me, now fills me with fear. I met a nice girl 2 weeks ago, seeing her tonight, yet I have really bad pain in my back, thighs and tailbone. I went for a walk last night, only half hour, and had extreme back pain. Like you I loved walking, and cycling, but can't do much of those things anymore. I also hate what this condition has done to me, to some extent I feel like it is robbing me of the prime of my life - and sometimes, like Webslave said, I have some very dark thoughts about my standard of life and if its worth persisting through it.

However I also think how this condition has changed me. Whereas previous I would be up all the hours under the sun, eating junk, drinking lots I have now totally had to change my person. I now look for a girl, not for the looks, or for how good she is in bed, but for the love she provides, how caring she is, and how much I can trust her and like her for being her. I havent told my new partner about this, and hope I dont have to, but if I tell her, and she walks away, although gutted, I know she wouldnt have been the one. After all, being with a loved one, even if in the future they end up in a wheelchair is what really matters. You should be with someone regardless of imparements if you really love and care for them.

I find when I am with this girl, after a while, my symptoms decrease, my focus shifts from this, to enjoying my company, enjoying my meal with her, etc. and after a while I think, hang on, my ache has gone. I know we are all living in hope that one day this condition will disappear, and I guess its the fear of not knowing what the future holds and the "uncontrollable" nature of this condition that creates the fear inside us all. What I will say, is that for all the pain, misery and fear this condition has caused me, it has made me a better person.

[carld]

Sam,

We have all been there as you already know....I have strong feelings about CP/CPPS and the life style changes we have to do in both diet, mental and physical changes for the better....With that being said I feel like you can still do all the things you love in a relaxed way. Perhaps you can go on long walks with her instead of running and still do the hikes...Because CP/CPPS healing starts with the mental healing and the physical changes we have to do...But by all means go for it in a relaxed way!! Life is to be lived and not endured.

[sam5935]

I hear what you guys are saying, appreciate it, and believe it.....sometimes. Other times, I feel like my symptoms are different enough from everyone else's on here, that I'm not sure that what I'm experiencing is CPPS. Thus, I've never completely bought into the fact that doing the SP protocol will help.

At this point, I can't imagine standing up and not clenching my buttocks until the pain comes. I don't know if it's a physical issue that's causing me to clench, or it it's just anxiety. Therefore, I can't conceive of an end to this because I dont' completely believe that what I'm going through can be fixed.

I'm on vacation now, and spent the day in Manhattan, walking for about 5-6 hours. Unlike most people here, walking......or more accurately, standing, causes me intense burning, aching hip and low back pain. The pain was so bad after 5-6 hours yesterday, that I wished I was home, not in New York. The fact that I was thinking that is so sad to me....here I am, traveling, which used to be my favorite thing...and I am wishing I could stop because of this pain.

When I get home in a few days, I"m going to resume doing the protocol, but I think part of the problem is that I'm just not convinced that it will work or even that this is really my problem.

One thing I've been noticing lately is that I have a near constant dialogue of negative self-talk in my head. I am constantly comparing myself to others and finding all the reasons in the world why others are better than me and I am bad. I know this is contributing to my anxiety; I know the anxiety is real. I just don't know if the anxiety and negative talk is causing the pain.

As always, thanks for the pep talk and listening to me whine!

S-

[webslave]

Unlike most people here, walking......or more accurately, standing, causes me intense burning, aching hip and low back pain.

That's exactly what I used to have. I used to have to walk slowly around shopping centers because of the intense pelvic pain that went right across from hip to hip. I was paranoid that people would think that because of my strange way of walking, I was desperate to have a bowel motion.



See, you're not alone.

[sam5935]

Webslave-

Thanks for letting me know. When you had the pain in the hips and pelvis upon standing, was it from clenching? I know that many of us on here clench to a subtle degree, but could you actually feel the muscles clenching? When I stand, my default is to clench the buttocks completely tight. It's not subtle, it's very obivous and noticeable to me what is going on. Is that what happened with you?

S-

[webslave]

I can't remember, but I was an overworked computer programmer back then, used to sit all day, very tense, clenching my pelvis up badly.

[sam5935]

Okay, thanks for the tips. I'm in the middle of a trip and things have devolved somewhat as I've been drinking alcohol, coffee, staying out very late and walking miles and miles each day (Hey, it's Manhattan!). I'm in tremendous pain, but I guess that's what I should expect if I party too much....

When I return, I"m going to hit the s.p. hard, get some Elavil and quercetin, cut back on the exercise, and try to get this under control. It's going to work! I'm going to try to stay positive!

Thanks again!
S-

[popburner]

Sam,

I know what you mean about the walking - when i was in NYC in Feb it killed me! I think you're in SF like myself, and I wanted to suggest seeing a pain psychologist. His name is Dr. Israel Rosales, and he's fantastic! He works with a number of pelvic pain patients, as well as folks with all sorts of pain conditions/chronic diseases. I've found his work extremely helpful in dealing with all the negative self-talk, fear/ego, etc. It's a great adjunct to the paradoxical relaxation which I found hard to incorporate in the rest of my life. He's a tad expensive ($125 a session), but it is well worth it. Also, because it's cognitive/behavioral techniques it is not supposed to go on and on for 100s of sessions. His goal is to teach you the techniques and then send you on your way after 10-15 sessions.

Feel free to PM me if you need more info...

HANG IN THERE! It does get better - oh, and stop worrying if this is the correct diagnosis or not. There is no specific understanding of the EXACT differences between CPPS, IC, PBS, etc. I just came back from the NIDDK conference and even the major docs in the area aren't sure of the differences/subcategories/exact diagnostics for each. Just handle it as a pain disorder that needs attention like any other (lower back, fibromyalgia, etc) - and the psychological part is TRULY important!

[webslave]

I just came back from the NIDDK conference

I'd love to see a summary of what happened there, and your impressions, as a separate thread.