Can No Longer Handle All of This1

[BG0013]

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[webslave]

You obviously feel very guilty about something you did. That guilt may be causing a lot of tension and stress in your life. I would definitely see a psychotherapist (not psychiatrist) about that as soon as possible. I think you have bigger problem than just pelvic myoneuropathy.

[CppsDad]

a) Lack of money should not be a factor in allowing you to get physical therapy. You, like many on this board, can treat yourself quite effectively. I do all my own therapeutic work now (internal and external), and others have been doing so much longer than me. I would make it your number one priority to learn how to treat your own trigger points. Do NOT let your financial status stop you here. I can't afford physical therapy either, and did therapy for only a few months, all the while learning what my PT was doing, and putting it into practice on myself. From what you say, you are in so much pain, that I can't see a reason NOT to treat yourself. A lot of people are scared to treat themselves because they are afraid they'll make their pain worse. Well, sounds like you can't do much worse than you already are. So start reading up on what you need to do, and give it a try. The fact that you've already seen a PT will be invaluable in helping you do it as well.

b) My wife is a psychologist. She has seen more stuff than you can possibly imagine. Nothing suprises her any more. People tell her stuff that I'd be sick if I had to do it, but she takes it all in objectively, and without judgment. If you see an experienced psychologist (that's someone with a PHD, not a Masters), they will no doubt be like my wife, and will be supportive and sympathetic to whatever it is that you did that you feel so guilty about. It will be hard for you to get out, but the therapist you see is TRAINED to handle whatever people throw at them, and he or she will not judge you based on it. If you think this event in your past is a serious factor contributing to your stress and anxiety, then you don't really have a choice but to deal with this. When you are talking about possibly ending it all, that can't possibly be better than seeing a therapist and getting it off your chest.

I really hope you can get beyond this. I'll think good thoughts for you.

Mike

[BG0013]

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[CppsDad]

Lots of us feel guilty about whatever it is we think brought us here. Some of the things we feel guilty about are no big deal, but we still feel guilty about it anyway because we want to blame something. Whether whatever you did was actually something that you should feel guilty about doesn't matter; you probably feel about it the same way the rest of us feel about things we did in our past. From looking over your old posts, I don't think anything you've mentioned previously is something that would alarm any therapist.

Unfortunately, while you can treat yourself for trigger points, you really need a therapist to talk to about the other stuff, and that WILL cost money. Hopefully, your medical insurance will cover it. But it sounds like you really need to do it.

Beyond that, you need to start reducing the stress on your body. Your psychological state is probably causing a lot of tension. I would get to the book store and buy a book or two on stress and anxiety management, and start working on those skills along with your own trigger point therapy skills. There may also be a book somewhere about how to deal with guilt and how to get passed it.

[rational]

Hey BG0013,

Firstly you did a good job in doing the first step: Talk to someone about it. Even to virtual zombies like us ;)

Secondly there is a lot of people in your exact situation. I usually post when I'm in a good mood but I remember a night crying, totally hopeless facing that shit that I've got. My poor girlfriend didn't know what to do...

It is normal to have moments if distress, I read in some book that the worst feeling is the feeling of helplessness. Suddenly, you stop, because you can't winge forever and no one has proven that you were gonna have pain forever. Then you decide, like a man, to do something about it. You wind up yourself with some success stories and get some tips from the forum/website, order some books and start reading . Trust me, after reading Headache in the pelvis you feel much better (mentally I mean). Even if my own investigation leads me away from his theory, Dr Wise explain a good approach on how to look at the pain, as if a consultation with a psycho.

Thirdly, life is full of good stuff: Nice people, Harry Potter, chess, soccer, Black forest cake, fishing, punk music, traveling to europe, beating your brother at Halo2, Star wars jokes, speaking spanish, a sunny day, beatiful girls, etc. I know it's hard sometimes to see them but they are always there (at least one of them ;) ) and I think it's worth fighting for that.

"In your life expect some trouble when you worry you make it double don't worry be happy" - Bob Marley

Yeah, he was right on that.

PS: 4 years ago I was stuck with my job and my life was shit (no money, bad relationship, seeing no future in my life) then I decided to quit all that and start travelling. Hitchinking from Montreal to Vancouver, learning english (which I didn't speak), seeing new things, washing dishes in a irish pub for a few weeks, then working on a ski resort for the ski season.. that changed my life, then I decided to travel to australia with a girl I met and there I am! I'm still amaze of what I accomplished in my life with not much money.

"Don't think about bad things you might have done but think about good things might do" --anonymous

[Dj Smitty]

BG...what did you do that you feel so bad about? You might as well tell us since you'll probably never meet us anyway and we could be able to relate.

Myself, I had unprotected sex with two girls that I wish I never had and for a long time, thought that I had some undetectable STD......that's not the case. Like you, I had small warning signs years before it ever got so bad....like not being able to pee for several minutes before finally getting it out, then realising it wasn't all out and having to go again, and again. That was my very first warning sign....that was when I was 17, it basically went away and I forgot about it. Now it's back and it hasn't fully gone away since June so I'm preparing for the long haul.

I think we all despair at times, some probably moreso. There are times when I catch myself having negative thoughts about the pain and urinary problems. So I have a bath, go out with my friends, go for a walk, listen to music, masturbate or get laid:D (don't do that if it makes you worse).....I read, I watch sports....I do the things I like to do to try to forget about it. I've never had PT because my doctor doesn't think I need it and he says there are no trained phsyicians here in London to help pelvic trigger points. I try to avoid medications.....and even when I use them, this crap flares, then goes away, then flares again. Right now I'm in a bit of a flare.

Just try to stay positive and try all the theories on here until you find something that works. If you have to stop drinking and taking drugs, then you'll have to do it. if you have to stop eating wheat or drinking coffee, stop. If you need to save some money and sacrifice material possessions for proper PT, at least try. I hate the word, but you have to be proactive with this....because most doctors, even if they try very hard, will fail you.

[LightningTree]

I can tell you from first hand experience that psychological distress can have a major impact on symptoms. You would really benefit from seeing a quality Psychotherapist.

I would make this an immediate, as in Monday morning, priority.

[kpbos]

BG,

I thank you for your post, and for being so candid. I hope it helps you to hear that your story reminded me that I'm not alone in this. Something that I find helpful (when I remember to do it) is to write down the most distressing thoughts I have about pelvic pain, and keep a tally of how many times I think them throughout the day (which is often an obscene amount), it gives you an idea on how much stress we can add to a tough situation.

[BG0013]

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[moonrock]

Hi BG,

thanks for the post.

I've been seeing a psychotherapist for a few months now, and I would strongly recommend it to you in your situation - and everyone else also acctually. Allthough getting things of your chest to your girlsfriend is great, it can not compare to seeing a psychotherapist - at least not a good one. The psychotherapist will help you find the problems that you might not be aware of, things that might be a bit more hidden than the things that you are aware of are stressfull or problems. For many this can be childhood experiences, or repressed feelings of some sort - and the key here is repressed. So you have to have someone to help you dig it out, and help you see what might be the problem. Talking to your girlfriend and letting her know what's going on is great, but I really think you should try seeing a psychotherapist pretty soon just to see what you think.

Also, I think what rational said about making the best out of life is pretty great. You shouldn't feel stuck in life when you're 21, and if you do, there is no wonder you feel stressed and under pressure. The one great thing about life is that we always have choices - always.

[LightningTree]

BG. I haven't had any pain symptoms in about 5 days Try to think of the future when you will go days, sometimes weeks at a time without any symptoms. I'm not claiming to be 'cured'. I still get occasional mild pain. Sort of like a "Headache in the Pelvis." ;) In this state, life is good. Ok, occasionally my butt isn't happy, but big deal, everyone has the occasional ache and pain. It is NOTHING like the persistent, terrible pain that I too had 2 years ago.

Anyway, I had no pain at all today. Then we had our Christmas Party at work. I am a social phobic person who fights very hard to fight it (and bottles in the anxiety.) When I was in the party talking to people I had some mild pain in the rectum. As soon as I left the party it went away again. This is even though I am now at an age where I do not 'emotionally' feel the tension, other than through negative cognitive thoughts and pain symptoms. Psychological stress can have a MAJOR impact on the condition, especially if you, like me, are the type who holds tension in your pelvis as opposed to your shoulders. This pelvic tension, caused by emotional stress, if a flight or fright reflex. When it is chronic, it becomes our normal state of posture, and relaxing would feel weird.

Once you have a bad flare-up, I believe, you have trigger points in the muscles, the nerves become irritated, and the muscles go into a rigid spasticity. (A primitive defense mechanism the body uses to prevent muscle tearing when it perceives severe duress) This is a chronic tension far beyond the clenching of a flight or fright reaction.

Once in this state, the pelvis's many many muscles will take a long, long time to relax.During this time, the emotional stresses that are contributing to your pain will not immediately have an effect on your symptoms. That is, you will still experience pain (although hopefully lessened) as you learn to stop habitually clenching and releasing psychological stressors contributing to physical tension.) But in order to heal, if psychological factors are a significant fraction of your initial stressors (and I would take a layman's guess that in your case they are), you need to address them OFTEN and COMPLETELY.

I'm glad you got some things off your chest with your girlfriend. That is a great start. But a good psychotherapist has an entire toolset of ways to help you really get at what is 'eating at you'. You can either worry about the stigma of psychology, or you can dive in and help yourself. Its your choice. Whatever you decide, keep talking to someone, especially your girlfriend. An honest relationship is often the best.

And keep talking to us as well. Also, start doing the stretching we talk about on these forums.

[CppsDad]

Moonrock is right that you should talk to a professional in addition to your girlfriend (both are important). The professional is better because they DON'T KNOW YOU. They are prohibited from dual relationships with their clients. No matter how honest you are with your girlfriend, you probably will hold something back because you worry about what she thinks of you. You need someone who doesn't know you, who is there for you, and who you can be 100% honest with without fearing it will ruin your relationship.