CPPS is taking my life from me (Brett's Case)

[superuse]

Hi Brett! Welcome to the forum! I just think it would be nice to come by and tell you my story, so maybe it will cheer you up a bit.

You're not alone with this shitty disorder. I am a medical student, finishing this year my MD. I got hit with prostatitis when I was burnt out, stressed out and depressed during my surgical rotation. One year ago. I'm a type A personality that goes so well with this disease. I've been through freaking hell, I can tell you. I was in constant pain. There was a time when walking was painful...walking 100m was tough...I had burning with urination et forget ejaculations, that brings me pain for 2-3days for sure...f**k this was tough, I even became suicidal...One year later, I still have pain every day, except that I control my symptoms better. I had some painfree days...was able to go back to the gym without aggravating my symptoms...urgency seems to keep going down...pain with ejaculation is better. I still have days that hurts like hell, and those days are the toughest, because fear and anxiety comes back. I do every day stretches and I take 2 hot baths. I've started physical therapy and I try to relax my pelvic floor all day long. I have notice like many here that stress, ruminations and depression brings back my symptoms...It's the main problem for me.

Globally I feel better and I feel hope that one day I'll be symptoms free...by the way, I have the same problems with fissure...I think it comes from the pelvic floor muscle spasms that make it difficult to pass bowel... I have this problem since chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome kicked in...try more fiber and water and hot bath helps...

Finally, just to let you know that it was really tough for me. I remember times crying in my car coming back from work and thinking that my life was over. It still happens when a big flare up hits me...but like I said, I'm better now. This disease has changed me profoundly and has changed my way of seeing things in life...I'm a different person now. I'm trying to love myself for who I am (still working on that ;) ). Nobody can understand what it is to have this pain disorder before dealing personally with it. Sometimes that's what I find the most difficult, feeling alone with this...

I hope it helps!! Feel free to ask me questions
(PS: my urologist told me that 70% are getting better with time, so stats are on our side :) ) )

Wow, an MD about to graduate. In the top 1% or so of us. Typical anxiety problems before onset. Typical type A personality aka obsessive compulsive, aka (slang) anal retentive more susceptible to obsessive compulsive disorder. Compulsive Self dislike for perceived non perfect aspects of a (by definition ) perfectionist. Anxiety and depression are one of the main symptoms of an anxiety disorder such as OCD.

Remember that one trait of OCD is repetitive (sometimes self destructive) rituals. Repetitive beating up on oneself mentally is just as valid as repetitive cutting, washing, pacing, etc.

The anxiety you have now is particularly relevant. Its about over and soon the 30-40 years of practice begins and it obviously serves no useful purpose. This implies it is irrational and possibly out of control sometimes. Coming up on the home stretch (compulsive performance and completion anxiety) accompanied with persistent "what if" (paranoia-catastrophic ) thinking central of anxiety disorders can be a factor. Panic attacks and similar issues due to an imbalance or depleted chemical level in the front of the brain (which controls fight-flight and "rightness" (correctness) of actions can be an issue. True OCD patients can have a difficult time with life major transitions (loss of job, new job, moving,marriage, divorce, birth, death)

Get yourself examined by an appropriate psychiatrist sometime. In many diagnosed OCD cases only medication will help. A lotta new stuff out there if that is the case.

Of course with chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome probably overwhelmingly correlated to exercise (emphasizing heavy hip flexion--bike run swim weights karate etc) inflamming the tissues indicates a long layoff of the exercise. (whether or not you can tolerate it or it temporarily makes one feel better) It may take many months of proper wise type relaxation at work and home and minimizing irritating the tissues to achieve results, perhaps the most after a 9-18mo period. This can be quite sudden.

Get well
-jim

[webslave]

Of course with chronic prostatitis / chronic pelvic pain syndrome probably overwhelmingly correlated to exercise (emphasizing heavy hip flexion--bike run swim weights karate etc) inflamming the tissues indicates a long layoff of the exercise

Note: this is Superuse's own theory, not that of any study or published science.

[BrettP]

My worst flare ups occur after I ejaculate and have a full bowel/constipation. That is the time I have the highest odds for a flare up. Today one hit me hard. I think I'm going to resort to a stool softener. Maybe that will help stop the irritation I feel from the hard stools.

One thing I noted today. Is that once a flare spawns I immediately make myself busy and do chores work etc. Helps keep my mind at ease and away from the suicidal and destructive thoughts caused by the pain. Then I pound water and each time I urinate I feel a bit better until ultimately I feel as I dud before. Roughly a 5-6 hour ordeal of varying intensity. What superuse says about the OCD and obsessiveness makes sense to me. Describes the way I generally feel especially about the negative self talk. Never thought about it before But damn I'm hard on myself in my internal dialogue.

[BrettP]

I just learned my grandpa is dying. I didn't think it would be this hard but I'm very sad. I was doing ok but tonight I feel really sick. Feel like throwing up. I did eat something that's a big no no though. But I think my feelings of losing my grandpa are making it worse. This is just not a good day. Not at all. Trying to use humor to get by but not really helping.

[Burner2k]

BrettP,
I am sorry to hear the news about your grandpa. I would just like to share a fact which I find is very interesting. I used to feel sad for the family by death of any person whom I know but now after CPPS, my whole outlook about life has changed and similar news affects me a whole lot. Like it really weights down heavily on me...so I kind of empathize what you are going through.

[BrettP]

Same here. Thanks. It's wierd how life works.

[BrettP]

Here's some good news.. I know I posted something that my grandpa is dying. And that is true, just maybe its slower than the doctor told us. :)

I was told he had 2 days to live.. but before I go into details let me give you a little back story..

My grandma and grandpa had a mutual friend. And her friend and my grandpa would frequently joke that they would "die together" and leave my grandma lonely. A bad joke I know...

As time passed my grandmas best friend of 60+ years gets cancer.

She died on the date that they said my grandfather was gunna die which was yesterday. I feel bad for my grandma dealing with the possible death of her lifelong best friend and her husband, what a terrible thing.

The night of her friends death (yesterday) , literally the hour after, my grandpa makes a turn for the better, and is up in his chair laughing it up and in better spirits.

Today I get news that he is not out of the woods (pneumonia) , but he is responding to treatment much better than he was before, and its now possible he will survive and leave the hospital in a week. I'm not optimistic, because when I saw him, I thought to myself "there is no way he is walking out of here." I don't know what to expect anymore, but for the doctor to tell us he has 2 days, and now to tell us he may be able to leave in 7 days.... I don't get it. I'm shocked. I don't belive in faith, or "spirits", but to me that is just a crazy coincidence. I know its just a coincidence, but its tough for me to grasp.

Hopefully he can beat this and live to fight another day. Time will tell, but I'm cautiously optimistic. We will see.

Doesnt change the fact I'm flared up like crazy the last month, but it is what it is. I thought some of you on this board might find that coincidence interesting. I certainly do.

[BrettP]

Just found out definitively I have diverticulosis. Went for a check up and they missed it on my CT scan last year. Even though I was told without imaging I had it from a different doc. I didn't think it was possible. But I have 100% confirmation. Sucks. But I started eating more fruit and veg and smaller portions and that bad bladder pressure isn't there as bad. Even though I equate my flare up over the last few days as possibly my worst ever, it has passed. Now I know for sure of at least one contributing factor other than IBS wastebasket. Doc put me on some new fiber supplement I'm supposed to try. What amazes me is that no one ever told me that my CT showed it.

[Jay]

I am glad to hear (in a way) that you have a solid diagnosis for your recent troubles, Brett! I known they have been bothering you.

For what it's worth, my aunt has diverticulosis and does just fine. I guess it's like my IBS in that you learn its quirks and work around them. :)

[BrettP]

So far so good. I started taking konsyl 6 grams once per day. And introduced more fruit and veg in my diet. Stools have much improved and bladder pain also has too but I still get flare ups sometimes after a deuce.

One thing that clears up the frequency is when I sit in a lo back chair and lean back stretching my lower abs. It feels like something is ripping when I do this if I'm flared. Really feel it from my dick to my asshole. Very odd sensation. Does anyone have any idea what stretch that muscle works? It seems to start right from my belly button. And damn it goes deep into my rectum the muscle gets reallllly stretched.

[BrettP]

I'm actually really starting to worry that my bladder pain is related to a fistula, or maybe the start of one. The gas from the fiber seems to be making me miserable but its helped my stools tremendously. It helped at first with bladder pain but now its like really bad. I read up on the symptoms of fistulas, but number one is infection, and I don't have that, I also don't poop or fart from my penis. But I can't fight this panic thought that this is what is causing my problems??? (probably because its a worst case scenario requiring catheterization and colostomy -- so you can see the fear aspect)

I don't understand. I know for a fact that my bladder pain is associated with the sigmoid in some way. However, I'm hoping to god that its not a fistula or the start of one requiring the same intervention. I had a CT scan of my bladder area done after my appendectomy and no one told me anything then. And there was no infection (as usual). This was 6 months ago. I'm hoping they didn't miss it. What I'm wondering about though, is that if its just gas expanding my sigmoid pushing on my bladder that's causing these issues. And if that IS the case and my sigmoid is inflamed due to inflammation, couldn't I be at risk for a fistula. I can't stop thinking about this. Its killing me mentally.

However at the same time this doesn't make logical sense since I've been suffering from similar issues for three years (although now it does seem to be getting worse, both bowel and bladder). I just really afraid at this point. Not sure what to do.

Anyone have any similar experiences with this? With bloating and gas? My mind can't help but go to worst possible case, but it is what it is.

I've been stretching, eating healthy, and meditating at night and reducing stress. Also have been trying to do the Buddha belly, I'm just not seeing results right now, and I'm wondering if something is seriously wrong.

[webslave]

For my POV, you are clearly suffering from an anxiety disorder. The circular, illogical, obsessive, inescapable thoughts are a classic symptom. You really need to get it treated.

[BrettP]

I'm gunna take a Valium and see what happens. I know what you mean. It's nuts I feel nuts. I'm calling a shrink tomorrow. Which ones are able to prescribe? Ologists or chiatrists?

It's just time for mental treatment. The obsessive thoughts are destroying my life. Wheter or not fistula exists I can't go on with these mental issues and I can't solve this alone.

[webslave]

See a 'chiatrist. They can give scripts.

You're doing the right thing.

[BrettP]

I know, its time. I've flirted with the idea for quite some time. but never made the call and stuck to it. tomorrow I'm making it. I've backed out of appts once my symptoms improved, but the underlying obsessive compulsiveness and myopic thinking regarding whatever the new issue of the month is driving me to the edge. I've self diagnosed kidney stones, kidney infection, stomach cancer, and now apparently fistulas. I just can't continue this path without some horrific conclusion. Its almost like I pray for work, at least there I'm concentrated on work and not all this other crap. When I get home and am alone is when the floodgates of hell open. Which is usually why I try to sleep early or go exercise, but my stomach pain has been preventing that. Hopefully the shrink can do some good.

The diverticulosis opened up a whole new slew of nasty possibilities which I'm just not prepared to cope with without obsessing and panicking.

Got the number ready to call.