CPPS is taking my life from me (Brett's Case)

[BrettP]

Another option I just considered... Maybe it's working like it supposed to and dulled out the pain sensation and I'm reacting to an increased bladder capacity and decreased pain sensation? Who knows but it's bizarre. Especially since it was only two doses.

[webslave]

Tip: start a new document on your computer called "meds.doc" or something similar. Record all meds you take and your reactions to them. I've found that very useful over the years. It stops you making the same mistake twice. In my meds document, I record these reactions to Lexapro : "myalgia, arthralgia, laryngitis, decreased libido, flatulence, diarrhoea, urticarial vasculitis on chest". As you can see, I also did not react well, and I tend to avoid SSRIs, although I've had others that did not react badly with me. For the moment, stop panicking about it, there is no permanent harm but it will take a while to clear from the system.

[BrettP]

I feel like I do with my Colon when I take Donnatal. I can feel the anticholinergic properties. Just so long lasting.., Donnatal wears of in 8 hours or so.

[BrettP]

Thought I'd give everyone an update.

I took a valium and it seemed to help, and now I'm experiencing frequency, added some alcohol to it. Let me state that usually this relaxes me. I feel very relaxed right now.

I also tried to do some internal work. Now I do this every now and then to gauge where I'm at. There are sometimes where I realize I'm just totally and completely normal, no tightness, also relaxed and not spasming.

Today I tried and its the worst I've ever felt it. EVER. So I tried to do some biofeedback, learning what it feels like to drop my pelvis, I couldn't do it, no wonder I can't pee... So I did it for about twenty minutes and was finally able to drop it some. Went to the bathroom and it was not as difficult as before.

Unbelievable. Truly remarkable. I remember in the early days of this disease after my PT sessions I would go take a leak and I never felt such free flow. Well I'm nowhere near that obviously but I might have to get back into self PT/biofeedback and concentrate on breathing and understanding what it feels like to drop my pelvis. Who knows I feel better right now though. So we will see.

[BrettP]

Another update. I think god just forbid sexual activity for me.

Was feeling good today my urinary flow has improved about 90%. pain and frequency gone as well but urgency remains.

Sex usually provides me with relief of urgency. So today I decided to try it out. About 30 min post coitus it happened. I felt the twinge.... That evil awful despicable precursor to the post ejaculation pain. I didn't panic this time I remained calm. Waves of intense debilitating urethral pain followed. I just engrossed myself in work and popped a benzo and a Tylenol advil mixture. Right now about 75 minutes post presentation the symptoms are down about 90%.

Also I should note thus is my first episode in 3 months at least.

Another edit lol ... Do not have sex if you have a full colon or gas pressure/ impending bowel movement. There is something about the combination of peristalsis to quickly after orgasm that at least in myself creates these flares. A bowel movement or the passage of gas often relieved somewhat the symptoms. It's also important to use Lamaze type breathing while on the can to avoid the backflow of urine. Hopefully this helps someone.

[BrettP]

another twist in my painful saga. Well just when I had things under control, both my anxiety, and my bowels/bladder. I had things going very well and very stable. That DAY, and I do mean the DAY OF feeling the best I had felt in 4 years, out of the blue, my wife starts and argument with me and wants to get a divorce.

I suspect she has been having an affair, I won't go into the evidence I have found, but it is so overwhelming that any man would draw the same conclusion. I have already filed the paperwork and have a marital agreement ready to go that should be in the courts. And now have to wait months for the judge to sign it.

Since the day of the "separation" I have been in a horrific amount of pain. Its just been somewhat overwhelming and now I'm on month 1 of this whole thing, and it just doesn't seem to be getting better. Each morning I wake up with severe stomach cramps and D, and then have bladder pain and issues throughout the rest of the day. I have had to move and have had a very major upheaval in my life. I'm hoping that one day this turns around, or that I can even reconcile the marriage, and maybe the anxiety of the situation is just to much for me to handle. Somedays I think its getting better, only to fall right back down again. I'm exercising, eating decent, and not overdoing the drink. Its just so bad, I've never felt so alone. And add to that the pain of this condition and IBS, and its just a miserable experience. This is the worst thing I have ever been through, its worth than the death of a loved one IMO. I don't know if I will ever recover normal bowel function.

Its amazing, from chronic C to chronic D in the matter of a few hours... lol seriously you guys, if you are married don't take your woman for granted.

[ahmedqman]

Brett, I had the SSRI issue too. Poor flow, feeling of hesistancy, that stays with you after one dose. So valium + PT helped? That's good to hear.

I don't think it's the actual drug that did it. That drug caused significant anxiety (typical side effect), causing the pelvis to become clenched by default. Think of it how stress chroncially worsens or makes us symptomatic for a loong time.

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce but look at the bright side: you were able to crack the SSRI issue (one I'm trying to crack right now).

With regards to biofeedback, did you do it with your PT?

[BrettP]

No I did not. Just internal massage. Therapy helped my anxiety. Getting rid of anxiety fixed the urine flow.

[ahmedqman]

I take it that the valium was important in that + addressing the catastrophic thinking. My flow has improved overall since the SSRI incident, but I still have that hesitancy. Always takes 5 seconds to get a strong stream going.

I also noticed that after swimming I get this urge to pee, and then my stream is as strong as ever.

I might try a benzo once every four days to help me calm down and then do the relaxation.

[BrettP]

Anyone here, ever deal with divorce and what impact did it have on your symptoms? I have seriously been in pain for like a month straight.

[ramana]

Yeah I got divorced when I was bed ridden. Well I was bed ridden already so the pain could not have gotten beyond that. All I can say is that I got through it. I talked to Dr Wise and the oft repeated quote 'This too shall pass' helped me sometimes

[elitynski]

Ramana - my PT was reminding of the THIS TOO SHALL PASS quote today as I'm having a couple of uncomfortable days. I needed to cling to those words very much today.

[BrettP]

Divorce is almost finalized. Its been a tumultuous time for me. I have been in a lot of pain and agony. With right now being the worst of it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I made another appointment with my uro to get prescription for pelvic floor therapist to learn how to do this myself effectively. I have done well with CBT, but this is just too much for me. I can now sense my anxiety and see it for what it is. And also stop the destructive thoughts and recognize them fairly easily. I'm also more aware of how my body reacts to anxiety, however, with all that being said, external and internal forces are keeping me in what I feel to be a battle for my life.

This divorce has ruined me emotionally, physically, and has taken my soul-- only just recently, last few months or so I felt I was getting better, only to be thrust downward once more, this time deeper down because of the increase in pain. I felt better, but the frequent urination/bladder pain and distended belly and alternating constipation/diarrhoea, has come back stronger than ever. I can feel a tightness in my lower abdomen, all the time. I question, is it my colon/intestines, or is it muscles? Is it trapped gas or stool, or is it muscle tension? When I arch my back to stretch lower abs and do deep breathing it feels like something is ripping in my lower abdominals. Still same question, gas pressure, intestinal pain, or muscle tension being relieved? It is sometimes followed by a few hours of relief. When I do this stretch I can feel it in my rectum, anus, base of penis and tip of penis. I sit on a tennis ball while driving.

Self therapy I can feel the tension and spasms at the anus, occasionally being able to reverse the levator ani spasm so the muscle is soft, as opposed to hard as a rock. Think I will start doing this on a daily basis, and just give the entire chamber than I can touch a once over. I have been swimming, which has helped, and the spa, which helps. Thoughts of my ex wife circle through my brain like a a snapped electrical cable, wreaking havoc on my neurons. And the thing is, I don't care about her anymore, but she is still there in my conscious mind. Also have a new love interest on the horizon. I have thought that maybe a new relationship is stirring up emotions, but I have dated and screwed around in the meantime and felt ok. Maybe its because this time I care? Orgasms can either hurt or help, its a 50/50 shot. But lately, just causes the muscles to further constrict. Even decided on getting some kind of plug to practice loosening up the tension and practising on dropping and relaxing pelvic floor. Never thought I would utter those words. But yet here I am, rock bottom.

I am not living in the past, except in my central nervous system. It is trapped in a loop from which it can't escape.

I am in a very dark place where there is a light at the end of tunnel, but it only flickers on and off.

Any advice from the sages on this board would be greatly appreciated.

[webslave]

Divorce is rated as one of the largest stress events one can encounter in life, so cut yourself some slack. Also it's trite to say it, but there are plenty of fish in the sea, so put her in your past, firmly.

Sounds like all the pelvic muscles are tense and irritable. This could take some time to get over, and you have to work on it with physical therapy. IBS is a frequent accompaniment to CPPS, so nothing unusual there. The whole nervous system in that area is buzzing, and this increases intestinal motility.

To help you move on, get yourself a whole bunch of the relaxation and meditation CDs I recommend. I have given them to friends and family and had excellent feedback, and many members here swear by them (that's where I got the idea for them in the first place!)

[BrettP]

Yea I have some, cds, will look at those. Its the bloating gas pressure and pain, and the two are 100% correlated. Then the tightness in backside. All sitting at work, just a bad mix. But I do feel that my lower abs are the culprit here, although I'm not sure how. I breathe shallow and maybe lack of bloodflow? Who knows. Hopefully my therapist will be able to point me in right direction again.